#rather than that the rest of us. would simply like to actually discuss how to resolve the specific problem with paragraph four

[unopenablebox]

sorry for posting so much i am desperately seizing this brief respite tonight because i am aware that tomorrow is 10AM-6PM nonstop union meetings and lab work and i am trying to think of Anything Else. even whether it's straight to like fems

[a-very-tired-jew]

The forensic analysis for the Bibas children has been completed and according to news outlets Yarden himself wants people to know how they died.

Now, if you're not someone who can handle this type of stuff I strongly suggest you do not read further. Edit: The Bibas family has asked that the details of Shiri and the boys' deaths not be discussed. They want the world to know they have been murdered, but not in extreme detail. While Hagari has stated that Yarden told him to tell the world, it is likely that Yarden and the rest of the family did not understand what that entailed. I've run into this problem when having to do press releases myself where we go into what we believe is a proper amount of detail regarding a victim(s)'s murder, what was done, and what the public should know. This is not always in line with the family's intent and that can change after the information is already out there.

For their sake I am reducing the amount of detail in this post and removing the article. However, the information is already out there and if you so desire you can find articles about it on many news sites.

They were killed and then mutilated post mortem in an attempt to cover up what had been done. The mutilation was done to simulate a building collapse to try and falsify that they'd be killed in an airstrike.

This is what forensic science does. It can determine peri and post mortem injuries and provide us a timeline of what likely occurred due to the evidence, rather than listening to the terrorists who have lied repeatedly.

Post mortem mutilation typically falls into three general categories; One is done to obfuscate forensics and hide what was done to the victim(s). Another is done in crime of passion scenarios where the perpetrator is not completely unaware of what they are doing and simply go above and beyond the act of killing. And the third is done to cause psychological distress to the victim(s), victim families, and community.

Regardless, it is one of the few things that will get you the death penalty here in the USA and I have been part of a number of cases where the accused will vehemently deny the mutilation and openly confess to the killing because it is such a heinous thing to do. Forensic pathology can determine what wounds were caused peri and post mortem, and determine how much time likely passed in the interim.

This means that even if the crime itself was one of passion there can be a cool down period before post mortem mutilation occurs. Meaning that regardless of emotional highs during the initial crime, the secondary act was done with one of the other two intentions. For all we know it could likely be that it was done to obfuscate and cause psychological distress.

Consider that Hamas has previously stated that the Bibas children were killed in Israeli airstrikes, I don't think either intention is out of the picture. Furthermore, there are a number of "anti-Zionist" accounts on here that range from neo-Bundists, to tankies, to Jew fakers who repeated the Hamas lie that Israel killed the children during an airstrike. They are going to goalpost, and actually are right now as I am typing this, that Israel is now lying about the forensic science.

Repeatedly these accounts and persons have had to goalpost and mental gymnastic their positions in order to maintain that Israel and (((Zionists))) are the worst thing ever and Hamas and its affiliates are just innocent freedom fighters.

This is conspiracy thinking. We saw this with Sandy Hook Truthers and, I guess, you can label these accounts/persons as Bibas Family Truthers. Another person on jumblr said we were going to see this behavior and it hasn't even been 24 hours before the usual suspects started.

And I give credit where credit is due to Israel because they knew this type of conspiracy thinking would come out about their forensics, so they've shared their results and evidence with international labs. While it may be some time before it gets further verified, we will likely see these same accounts move the goalpost again to try and blame Israel for the death of the Bibas children, take the onus of responsibility off of Hamas and affiliates, and accuse Zionists of being Nazis once again. And remember, if you're doing any one of these things (or a combination of them) then you're not a good person.

You're an antisemitic bigot (even if you're one of us, and especially if you're pretending to be).

[wingsdippedingold]

The thing that always gets me about SJM is that she says she loves Nesta so much, but at every point Nesta is degraded or self-hating.

The way Nesta is written and people react to her, it’s pretty clear that she’s not actually a bitch but just guarded and cautious of an unfamiliar/ hostile environment.

SJM often writes scenes like this (screenshot stolen from @theladyofbloodshed )

In this Nesta’s in an odd position, where she’s portrayed as the victim of Mor’s ire. However, the characters that regularly antognize Nesta (Amren, Rhysand, Mor, etc.) are never acknowledged to be antagonistic towards her, only that Nesta herself is antagonized. Nesta’s character exists in a weird limbo where she’s meant to be a a wrongfully hated character to the reader, but the people who do wrong her are also supposed to be in the right.

SJM wants to write Nesta to be the underdog mc who defies her haters and becomes someone beloved, but the issue is she’s hated by characters the narrative wants you to also love, and whom Sarah can not bring herself to let ever be in the wrong, because then it would break the idea that they’re infallible and make the rest of their faults also up for criticism.

At every point where she’s put in a bad position, it’s acknowledged that the blame is not hers, but the narrative doesn’t place the blame anywhere else, essentially making what happened entirely a product of Nesta and no other character’s actions. We see how dreadful Nesta feels in ACOSF, much of it at the hands of the ic, and the narrative wants us to sympathize and understand her situation, but with no outlet to fault her situation towards the ic and no attempt to make it known that these feelings that are a product of the ic’s actions are directly a product of the ic.

SJM also writes Nesta to be one of the only characters who self-reflect on their actions and find fault within themselves. None of the ic ever introspect on their actions and effect on other courts and people, contributing to Nesta being the wrong ones and them being correct, simply because the narrative has not made the effort to explore wether or not they’re wrong, whereas it has with Nesta. Nesta’s actions were explored and allowed to be negative because it is what allows her to change her mind, but because she’s the only one changing her mind, she only becomes more and more fitting of the ic’s standards and the series’s idea of moral correctness.

The inverse is also an issue because Sarah writes the ic to be “morally gray”, which grants them the excuse of “you can’t expect them to always be perfect/good, they’re supposed to be morally gray” but the issue with that notion and archetype in this case is that the never face any repercussions or criticism by the narrative, but rather the people opposing them, effectively establishing them as the moral high ground. You cannot defend them as “morally gray” when the narrative has done nothing more than to portray them as always in the correct even in their “morally gray actions.” Discussing their character in that way while not acknowledging how the narrative treats them absolves them of their own faults and is a slippery slope when analyzing the characters in the story.

This is one of the reasons I think so many people find it hard to like Nesta or actually sympathize with her like SJM wants; because their favorite character hates Nesta, though acknowledged to be unjustly, the character themself is not acknowledged to be unjust, therefore portraying their actions to be correct.

This was written really quickly and I just woke up from a nap, but if anyone else wants to discuss this topic, I’d love to see it!

[scoobydoodean]

ELEANOR: The demon I could've handled, but when the angel stepped in, I - I told him, Bobby. They have enough to crack Purgatory wide open.

Cas pops in right after Elenor dies from the torture Crowley and Cas inflicted on her. Cas immediately shifts the blame onto Crowley even though Eleanor said he was the real terror.

CASTIEL: I'm sorry this had to happen. Crowley got carried away. BOBBY: Yeah, I bet it was all Crowley you son of a bitch!

Sam and Dean have to hold Bobby back. He and Eleanor had a romantic relationship in the past.

Dean again appeals to Cas's conscience (or rather, his lack of one):

DEAN: You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!

This season, Dean has seen Cas torture a child. Cas has used Dean without permission as bait and for a spell. Cas knew Crowley was forcing Sam and Dean to work for him after a certain point and allowed it to continue until he couldn't anymore because they were going to kill each other. Cas killed Lenore simply because trying to convince her to just lay low for a while was too inconvenient. Last episode, Balthazar told Sam and Dean that Cas's plan relied on Cas being able to sustain the energy of all the souls he planned to consume, and there was a high likelihood he'd fail and blow up the world. Balathazar tells Cas this too, but Cas's only reponse is too demand Balthazar's loyalty without ever addressing his concern. He ignores it because it doesn't support his narrative of how this will all go—how Cas needs it to go. Cas has abandoned so many of his convictions at this point just to prove that he was right to go down this path to begin with. He just tortured someone to the point of death and he's about to do more.

CASTIEL: Enough! I don't care what you think.

And yet lying to them all season was explicitly because he did care what they thought. He knew they wouldn't like what he was up to. He knew Balthazar wouldn't like it either and lied to him too, and to Rachel and the other angels. All because he was ashamed.

CASTIEL: I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen.

This is code for "I told you how things would go and that there was no discussion to be had and you didn't fall in line". Now the threats:

CASTIEL: So let me make this simple. Please, go home and let me stop Raphael. I won't ask again. DEAN: Well, good, 'cause I think you already know the answer. CASTIEL: I wish it hadn't come to this.

No one is making him do this. What he's about to do is a choice he is making that no one is forcing him to make. Even if he wanted Sam and Dean out of his way, he could have done any number of things other than this. In fact, he could have done other things that were arguably much more effective. He only needed to delay them for 24 hours. He could have flown them to the other side of the world and left them there. He could have locked them in a prison. He could have knocked them unconscious. He could have even made them forget, which would have also been cruel, but it would have been more effective. But the path he chooses is breaking Sam's mind.

CASTIEL: Well rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down.

Whereas in the previous episode, we can reasonably argue that Cas's words come out wrong and he doesn't actually mean to imply that he'll save Lisa only if Dean does as Cas tells him to do, in this case... we can't argue that. He is explicitly telling Dean that he's going to destroy Sam's mind, and that Sam's mind will remain broken even after all of this is over if Dean doesn't do as he's told.

Cas is trying—not as effectively as he knows how, but rather as cruelly as he knows how—to bring Dean to heel. He chooses this action even though it's arguably less effective than other things he could do because he wants to not just control but also punish Dean for disloyalty and disobedience. Dean returned Sam's soul behind Cas's back after Cas told him not to in 6.10 with ulterior motives. Breaking Sam's mind in this specific way is another way of proving that Cas is right and that Dean should have listened to him. Cas makes the thing he was worried would happen—happen to punish Dean for not listening to him. It's honestly incredible that their relationship recovered, especially with all the personal experiences Dean has with angels specifically trying to force him to comply with their demands via force and threats.

[iheartmysun]

A Happy Halloween (George Weasley x Reader)

--------------------------

Genre: fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: very slight use of swearing, some mentions of alcohol consumption

Word count: 3.6k

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

As the leaves of autumn settled onto the grounds of Hogwarts, so did the excited whispers and enlivened chatter of Halloween. Gossip about the 31st became more frequent with each passing day. Each house discussing who was throwing what party, what costume ideas they had thought of, and who they thought would get shit-faced the fastest.

George, as to be expected, was especially anticipating Halloween. Aside from April Fools' Day, it was the perfect excuse of a holiday to get his fair share of pranks out of his system. In fact, he expects his fellow peers to enjoy the pranks that he has in store, considering everyone actually wants to be spooked this time around.

Although he had become quite preoccupied by his plans, there was something else much more compelling that seemed to have consumed his thoughts.

Your name echoed at the forefront of his mind in almost everything that he did. The fact that he spoke to you every single day didn't help this at all, but he wasn't complaining. How could he? The vision of your heavenly face, the lyrical sound of your laugh, your soothing touch with which he found solace in; everything that encompassed you. How could he possibly find it within himself to be dissatisfied?

This is, he supposed, how he found himself being whacked in the back of the head by a frustrated Fred, who was very much done with his love sick antics.

"Three guesses to figure out what you're lost in thought over." Fred remarked sarcastically. George glared at his twin as he rubbed the back of his head. "Shut up, you don't know what I'm thinking about."

The older of the two then moved to rest on his elbow with his chin now in hand and leaned forward. "Oh, really? Then please, do enlighten me. What were you thinking about?" he questioned with raised eyebrows.

George stayed silent as a soft blush crept its way onto his face. Fred simply leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. "See? Told you." he stated with a smug smirk.

"Whatever." George mumbled back, fiddling with a loose piece of paper in front of him, not feeling bothered with bickering right now.

Fred sighed and gently shook his head. "I don't get why you won't just tell Y/N how you feel already. They clearly like you back. Besides, you're best mates, it's not like much could go wrong."

George scoffed thinly at this statement. "Yeah, sure. Nothing could go wrong. Y/N could decide to never speak to me again, but nothing could go wrong. Thanks for the words of wisdom!" he said before rolling his eyes, sarcasm evident in his voice.

"Alright, alright. Sorry mate." he said while putting his hands up in defense. "I'm just saying it wouldn't hurt to test the waters. You'll never find out how things might go if ya don't try. Y'know?"

As much as it annoyed him that Fred was right, he agreed. He just didn't know how to go about it. He wasn't this Casanova that everyone believed him to be. He had only been in one other relationship before, and he didn't want to look stupid. In his eyes, you may as well have hung the stars in the sky. And who would want to look stupid in front of someone who managed such a feat?

He sat up straighter and ran a hand through his hair, breathing deeply. "Yeah, I know." George said sighing.

Seeing his brother so full of dispirit because of how smitten he was truly was a sight for sore eyes. Something he'd rather not see again; especially when they were supposed to be planning one of their up coming escapades.

"You'll figure it out mate. Always do." Fred said while shifting his chair a bit closer to his brother. "You may not have my good looks, but you've still got more of a shot than you think you do."

George couldn't help but smile at this. The heavy feeling in his chest feeling lighter than before. "You're dreaming if you think that you have the good looks. I'd be concerned if I had a face like yours, Freddie."

Fred smiled, laughing in return, happy to know he gave his slightly younger brother some peace of mind. He playfully nudged him in the shoulder before gesturing towards the paper firecrackers that sat in front of them. With that, they both got back to the matter at hand, quickly gaining focus over their project again.

Later on in the early hours of the evening he found himself looking for you, slowly wandering off towards your dorm. He knocked rhythmically on the mahogany door and smoothed back any flyaways from his mop of hair.

Without waiting for long, you turned the golden looking doorknob with the sound of a quiet click, and opened it to reveal a much too happy George Weasley.

"Trick or Treat!" he exclaimed with a wide grin.

"Probably trick, knowing you." you said with a smirk, examining him for any potential jokes that he could suddenly spring upon you.

"Is that all you expect of me, Y/N? Some deviant ready to pounce on the next potential victim to one of his glorious pranks?" he said holding his hand to his chest in feigned offense.

You casually rolled your eyes, chuckling at his light-hearted behavior, and stepped out of the way to motion for him to come in. Which he gladly did so.

"Sooo, what's up? I thought you were busy getting things ready for Halloween?" you asked while shutting the door again before making your way back over to the tall man who was now standing by the end of your bed.

It was only then that he realised he'd gone to visit you without a cause. He had merely wanted to see you and that was reason enough. However, that wasn't very helpful when you were asking him why he went out of his way to stop by your dorm to see you.

"Oh- well, I was just-" he laughed, trying to hide the nervousness that was now growing in his chest. He desperately thought of any excuse that he could, but just stood there silently like a deer in headlights.

Now he'd done it, he thought. He went and messed up by making things feel awkward. But before he could finish berating himself, a chuckle broke through the air.

"What, did you forget?" you asked amused. The idea of him seeing you just because he wanted to see you hadn't crossed your mind at all. You over thought how he felt about you almost as much as he did with you.

Suddenly seeming at ease, he chuckled. "Yeah, must've."

After snorting quietly in response, you stepped closer to him once more and smile softly. The room feeling rather still all of a sudden.

The way that George looked down at you could send your heart racing for eternity. He took in every little detail of your face, not wanting to miss a single marvelous feature. Your breath caught in your throat as he studied you. George noticed this and instantly felt a warmth rise up his neck and to his freckled cheeks as he realised how intently he had been staring at you.

He stepped back and almost fell onto your bed before he caught his balance and stood up right again in a matter of seconds. Feeling more embarrassed than he did a few moments ago, he quickly moved off to the side and clapped his hands together in a single movement.

"Well! I should get going! With all this- this Halloween stuff that Fred and I have to plan. You know how it is with... planning things!" he spoke hurriedly while trying to sound calm. Admittedly unsuccessful, but he just wanted to escape the uncomfortable situation he had put himself in.

"Oh, uh.. Okay?" you said confused as you watched him swiftly make his way to the door again, barely making eye contact with you.

Just as he had left the room and was about to shut to door harder than he meant to, he popped his head back in with an awkward expression on his face. "See you at the party."

And as soon as he had arrived, he was gone even faster.

You were left standing there, blinking at the door, as you tried to process what had just happened. The first thought of the matter being how it felt to have him look at you like that. His gaze looked so warm and soft. It made your stomach swirl and feel fuzzy.

You turned back to face your bed and dramatically flopped your weight onto your mattress and groaned into the plush bedding which you had now buried your face into, wishing more than ever for the 31st to arrive.

It had been four days since you and George had had a decent conversation with one another. He was either acting strangely around you or he was whisked away by Fred and Lee to get up to who knows what. It was frustrating to say the least.

Without you knowing it, George was frustrated too. But this feeling was overridden by the nerves that had settled in his chest. It sent a warm prickly feeling down his body and made his head spin. Fred had been encouraging him to spill the beans to you and so had Lee, although he was more tactful with it.

"Excited for tonight, Georgie?" Fred asked while grabbing his brothers shoulders from behind, peering over to try and see his face.

"Leave the poor lad alone," said Lee, shoving Fred away from his twin. "he's already got enough on his mind without you bothering him." he finished, sitting down across from the both of them.

"Oh yeah, that's right, you still gotta decide how you're gonna confess your love to Y/N." he said now sitting down, batting his eyelashes and clasping his hands together.

Georges face went pink before he spoke. "Piss off, I still don't know if I'm gonna say anything. I don't even know how I'd do it."

"How'd you ask out the last person that you were with?" Lee asked with raised eyebrows.

George furrowed his, and shook his head adamantly. "No, no, I can't tell Y/N how I feel like that. That was ordinary. I just told them how I felt after potions. This is different. This is..." He went quiet for a moment as he tried to find the words without revealing anything too vulnerable. It would surely be used as teasing fuel against him in the future. "It's just different." he finished saying in a soft voice.

Before either of them could add their input, George stood up and pushed the wooden chair in, causing a high pitched squeak.

"I'll see youse later. I have to get ready." he said with a slight wave of his hand before he trudged back up to his dorm room, simultaneously feeling anticipation and apprehension for the night ahead.

A few hours later, the Gryffindor common room was thronging with people who were eager to drink as much as they could and handful of others who already appeared tired of caring for their already drunk friends.

The tenseness that George had felt mostly ebbed away as the room became more occupied by lively music and vibrant conversation.

His friends had poured a plethora of different drinks, and a couple of Ravenclaws had tried to egg him on to have a shot of firewhisky, but he refused. George didn't want to lose his senses. No matter how miniscule. He wasn't sure when he'd see you and would much rather not saying something to expose himself just because he wasn't in a sober mind.

Searching for you over the ocean of heads had not been as easy as he thought it would. He felt as if he could see almost everyone else but you. Someone had almost caught their hair on fire, a fifth year was literally bouncing off the walls, and someone else had been unfortunate enough to have been standing underneath one of the enchanted floating pumpkins which had suddenly fallen directly on top of them.

Just as he was about to sit down, he somehow heard your laughter through the cacophonous sound of noisy chatter and music blending together.

He shot his head up and spotted you instantly, noticing that you were talking to a wild-eyed Neville who seemed to have soot on his face. A smile tugged at the corners of his lips and he began to make his way through the crowd to get to you.

He swerved and squeezed his way past, being elbowed in the ribs in the process, but he finally reached you.

Neville said a quick goodbye to you before he noticed George with wide eyes, quickly escaping to go and wipe the dark powder from his face.

He looked down at you with a shy, yet wide grin. You looked more wonderful than ever; it shouldn't be possible for a human to look so breathtaking, he thought. And yet here you were, standing there with the glow of the warm light surrounding you reflecting onto your face; flashing a seraphic smile that you wore, to him and him only.

"What's with him?" he said pointing in Neville's direction with his thumb, a sly smirk growing on his face.

"You're telling me that you don't know?" you questioned with a short laugh, clearly not believing his unknowingness.

"Always with the accusations, Y/N," he said pursing his lips together and crossing his arms. "I'm a saint! You'll never meet someone as innocent as me." he said with a shit-eating grin.

"Don't go making me concerned for the types of people I'll meet, George." you say with a chuckle, causing George to join in. His eyes sparkling with the joy of being the one to make you laugh.

After a few moments, there was a quiet between you. The world around you both seemed to fade away as the two of you focused in on the other. You felt the warmth and softness of his gaze again. He realised that you were looking at him differently too, but he wasn't completely sure what to make of it.

His eyes lingered on you for a short time longer until he cut the silence. "It's a bit loud in here, don't ya reckon?"

"Yeah, it is." you say gently, almost inaudible over the background noise, unsure where he's going with this.

"Follow me?" he asks you, holding his hand out for you to take.

You grin and slide your hand into his. He gives you a reassuring smile and begins leading the way past the mass of people; squeezing your hand lightly as he guides you to the portrait hole.

Once there, you both crawl through and make your way out of the rowdy home of Gryffindor. With much reluctance he lets go of your hand and nods forward, motioning the direction to go.

As you walk down the corridor another silence settles. Only this time, there were no interruptions.

The faint shadows of your silhouettes moving carefully across the stone flagged floor. Not a sound but your footsteps that echoed quietly across the walls.

George looked to you and felt a strange feeling in his chest. He felt as if he could blurt the words out right now. This wasn't how he had imagined it. But the stillness of the air felt like it was pushing him to spill his secret. And it just felt right. 'I like you. I like you more than a friend.' But no. The words got caught and he couldn't spit them out.

As he led for them to turn a corner, they had almost stepped onto a small creature with glowing red eyes. It instantly let out a loud meow as if it was calling for someone.

"Fuck!" George whispered loudly.

He swiftly grabbed you by the wrist and started booking it. You almost tripped over your own feet at first, but started to pick up speed no sooner than he had started running.

You could hear the somewhat distant meows and calls of a man chasing after you as you were being quickly tugged into different corridors to escape any potential punishments.

George had almost collided with the Hogwarts caretaker as he rounded a corner, not realising that he had snuck through a secret hallway to catch the two students who were out after hours.

Filch called after him and whoever else was on the run with him, but after being pulled into a hidden passageway behind a tapestry of a two-headed troll by George, his nagging calls demanding you to show yourselves gradually faded away.

Your knees almost buckled at the sudden halt, George held onto you to steady you.

"You okay?" he said through uneven breaths.

"Think so." you replied panting. "Are you?"

"Yeah." he said as his breathing began to even, nodding along with his words.

Looking up at him, you started to laugh and so did he. Your heart still raced as you stood still. He looked gorgeous. The freckles that scattered across his face seemed to glitter while his ginger hair fell perfectly around his sculpted face.

The crisp night air flowed into the space that you occupied and glided across your skin. The only light being from the faint luminescence of moonbeams.

The cool breeze made him shiver. George could still hear the thumping of his heartbeat in his ears. He wondered if you could hear it too, though he hoped you couldn't.

Adrenaline was still pumping through his body. He felt brave and was alone with you, so what a better time than now?

"Y/N," he paused. "I- I need to tell you something. But I don't want anything to change between us." a shy expression snuck its way into his smile. "Anything bad, at least."

Your eyes flickered over his face for a moment before you gave a small nod. "Okay..." you said uncertainly, suddenly becoming acutely aware of how close you were to each other.

George inhaled deeply before continuing. "I like you, a lot. More than you might expect." he paused again, examining your now flushed appearance. "And I have for a while." he said with an awkward laugh. "I turn myself inside out thinking about you. Sometimes I feel like I could burst because of how confused I make myself about it but, then you look at me and- I just, I just really like you, Y/N." he stopped himself from rambling on as he was afraid that he'd said too much. He didn't want to scare you off.

You had felt yourself freeze. You had an inkling that he liked you, but now he was actually telling you. It wasn't some delusion of grandeur that you had made up to keep yourself from feeling jealous or to make yourself feel better. No, he genuinely and whole heartedly likes you back. George Weasley, has feelings for you.

So many things that you'd been wanting to tell him raced to your mind. You didn't know where to start. This left you standing there staring at him with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

He felt his heart on the edge of dropping as you stood still without saying a word. He scanned your gaze to try and get an idea of how you were feeling, and just as he was about to apologise, the corners of your eyes crinkled and you laughed.

"You like me?" you questioned with a finger pointed at yourself.

He felt almost felt taken a back by this reaction but the corners of his mouth began to curve into a smile. "I really do." he said, noticing the way that your eyes sparkled.

Stepping forward, you started to close to small distance between your bodies. You felt breathless as the simple knowledge of being liked in return flooded your mind. "I like you too, George." you said in a giddy voice.

George let go of a breath that he didn't know that he was holding and broke out into a very pleased, and very wide smile. He reached for your hands and held them with care. His focus was fixed on you as a new type of warmth made its way to his smile.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked gently, a pink blush now settled on his cheeks.

"I would like that very much." you replied with a keen smile.

He leaned forward and looked at you for a moment to see if there was any hesitation before finally closing the gap. He pressed his soft lips against yours and moved them slowly.

You breathed in deeply, taking in his scent and letting it fill your nose alongside the autumn air. He let go of one of your hands and let his float upwards to cup you face. You moved your palm to rest on top on his knuckles in response.

You could feel him smile against you as the kiss deepened. He held you close as his mind emptied of everything else but you. No one else mattered right now.

The two of you pulled away in unison to catch your breaths. You looked at each other for a few moments before laughing like little kids. Exhilaration filled your bodies as you reveled in the moment.

"You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that." he spoke breathlessly as he wore a proud grin.

"I think I've got somewhat of a clue." you said with a coy smile.

Laughing once more, George peered out from behind the tapestry and turned to you. "Do you reckon we should head back now?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe. Orrr, we could stay here?" you said with a small grin.

George beamed at this suggestion and turned away from the exit to face you with the goofiest grin that you had ever seen. "I think I like that plan."

--------------------------

a/n: This is coming out later than I thought it would, but I was determined to finish it before the end of this month! I've edited this a little bit, but I'll go through and fix any other mistakes later. For someone who doesn't write often at all, this was a lot for me, so I need to rest my mind 🧘‍♀️

I hope that you all enjoyed! ♡

[heartseungs-archive]

love.fm | h.rj

genre ❥ fluff, angst, coworkers to lovers  pairings ❥ radio show host!renjun x fem!reader  word count ❥ 7.2k   warnings ❥ none author’s note ❥ had this sitting in my wip for a while after rewatching renra on akdong seoul....just thought it would be a really cute idea!!

My love's so young, I'm young, at a sweet age I can't only look at you

As the ‘ON AIR’ sign flickers to life, you pick up the familiar pair of headphones at your seat, colourful stickers decorating the headband to separate it from the rest. The other guys at the station don’t particularly mind sharing headphones, but you find having a personalized one more enjoyable.

Seulgi, your program director, stands behind the glass wall, flashing a thumbs up from where she’s comfortably nestled in her chair. Jeno is just beside her, but he’s much more focused on the music controls, ensuring that it’s broadcasting smoothly. There’s a teleprompter in front of you, but you know you won’t need it. You’ll probably go off script anyways.

Which is why your partner flashes a warning glance at you, and you simply grin. He’s the one who keeps track of time and attempts to stick to Seulgi’s meticulously planned program sheets, reigning you in when you go off tangents.

Huang Renjun has been your partner host for the past year, and the both of you make a good team. A wonderful team, actually, if the listener numbers are anything to go off by. You know it’s partially luck that the both of you got an interesting show to helm, but surely part of it is due to your efforts as well.

Renjun’s dressed in a comfortable black hoodie today, already wearing his reading glasses as he looks over the script. You had teased him for his poor eyesight until he finally caved and bought the white frames that now rest comfortably on his nose.

A cue from Seulgi jolts you out of your thoughts, and you quickly take a sip of water before turning on the microphone. Renjun flashes an encouraging smile at you, even though it’s practically routine at this point.

“Welcome to The Love Club, where we provide a solution towards each and every dilemma you have about romance. It’s your favourite DJ, Y/N, along with Ren-D. I hope your Friday is going good, dear listener, so grab a cup of tea and let us accompany you until midnight!” The words flow out of your mouth smoothly, from weeks upon weeks of practice. Even then, the rush of excitement that fills you each time you speak into the microphone still remains as new as the first day you stepped into the studio.

“Thank you to everyone who sent in their stories! Today, we’ll be discussing the topic of first loves. Our first story is from user jiyeonluv.”

Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,

I’m Jiyeon, a high-school student. I have a crush on someone in my school, and I really, really like them. But we’re graduating already, and I think we’ll be going to different universities. Should I pursue him?

You hum gently, thinking over your reply. The letter causes a fond smile to make its way onto your face, just from how adorable it is. “I think you should go for it. After all, if both of you really like each other, it’s possible. Besides, it’s better to try and be rejected, rather than not and worry about the what ifs.”

Renjun nods. “Besides, I heard long-distance relationships are the trend now,” he adds.

“I’m not sure where Renjun gets his trends from, considering he barely uses the internet,” you contradict, and Renjun scoffs slightly. “However, I hope everything goes well for you, user jiyeonluv! On that note, the first song of today that we’ll be playing is Young Luv by STAYC.”

“Good job today,” you say, and Renjun quickly returns your tired grin. He pushes open the glass door, you following behind him. Your tote bag lies on the shelf outside the office along with your sneakers, and you quickly put your shoes on, smartphone in hand.

Seulgi and Jeno wave goodbye to you as you leave, both of them already preparing for the next programme. Their schedules run a bit differently from yours and Renjun’s, considering they manage the night programmes until two in the morning. You wouldn’t be surprised if the both of them were almost nocturnal at this point.

The hallway is dim at this time of night, the broadcasting station void of much activity except for the room you just exited. However, there are still footsteps here and there, likely from interns or security patrolling the building.

It’s a short walk from your studio to the carpark, but you’re already shivering by the time you exit the building. It’s coming to fall, and the leaves are already transitioning to shades of autumnal red and yellow.

It’s quickly halted by the feeling of a jacket over your shoulders, however, and you quickly look up at Renjun, a silent protest in your eyes. “Don’t worry. I’ve got a hoodie on. You, on the other hand, should really start remembering to bring your own jacket.”

“I don’t need to, when you lend me one anyways,” you reply, and he huffs a laugh, rolling his eyes.

However, you’re quick to move your hands towards the heating vents of Renjun’s car once you’re inside, sinking into the plush leather seats comfortably.

“You don’t need to send me back, you know. The public buses are still running,” you mutter, your breath fogging up the window. You draw a smiley face on it absentmindedly, watching as the cityscape flies by.

“It’s not that safe. Besides, you’re on the way anyways.” Renjun’s lying, because you know where he lives, and it is most definitely not on the way. In fact, it’s likely added an extra fifteen minutes to his journey home, but you’re not going to protest with him further, especially when the rides are in your benefit.

Even though the both of you are able to continue an entertaining banter throughout the entirety of the radio program, you and Renjun seem to lapse more into silence once alone, likely due to fatigue as well. You suppose it’s also due to the fact that there’s not much need for words to be exchanged for you to feel comfortable in Renjun’s presence, him focused on the road and you with…well, nothing exactly. The drive is always a good time for you to clear your mind, considering Renjun’s careful enough and you completely trust him to get you back home safe.

“See you tomorrow,” he says once the both of you are in front of your apartment building and you wave to him before stepping out onto the pavement, watching as his car gradually disappears down the winding path.

When you reach home, you’re quick to fall into bed, already exhausted. You’ll shower tomorrow, you think, but for now, what you need is a good night’s sleep.

“Well, someone looks cranky.”

“Shut up, Haechan.”

“Even I don’t mess with Jaemin, Haechan. You should be careful,” Mark says, and Jaemin just nods. Haechan sighs dramatically, sinking back into the chair, and his antics are the first thing you see when you step into the office.

“Well, I hope no one’s cranky after what I bought,” you announce, paper bags with recognizable green logos in your hands. Jaemin immediately perks up, looking at you gratefully.

“You’re so much better than Haechan,” he says, a sound of indignance coming from the other boy at his statement.

“Eight shots for you- I don’t know how you actually drink that, by the way, an iced tea for Mark and a latte for Hyuck.” The boys mutter soft thank yous as they take the cups from you, leaving two inside. Your caramel macchiato, and someone else’s-

“Speak of the devil.” Renjun is quick to grab his drink from your outstretched hand, raising a brow at you. It takes a while for you to realise you said it out loud, and your cheeks turn red, quickly shaking your head. “I was just wondering where you were, and you walked in right after,” you explain, and he nods, stealing a sip of your drink before he goes to his seat. You’re used to it at this point, even if Renjun has already gotten his own cold brew. You had been the one to persuade the boy into trying your macchiato a few months ago, to no little amount of effort. After a while, he had caved, but Renjun would never admit that he liked your drink more than his own.

“Today’s meeting is quite important, which is why I asked you guys to meet early.”

“At nine in the morning, no less,” Jaemin mumbles, and there’s barely audible laughter from the other two boys in the room. You had been wondering why Mark had texted the groupchat asking all of you to come down to the office early.

This morning, you had stumbled out of bed groggily when your alarm awoke you, running to the bathroom when you realised you might be late. The coffee had simultaneously been an apology and a distraction, but it ended up not mattering as much, since Renjun had arrived later than you.

“We need to discuss our plans for the second half of the year. If you guys want to revamp your programmes, change something about it, or anything.”

Haechan raises his hand quickly. “I think 37.5MHz should be extended to four hours.”

“No one wants to hear you talk for four hours, Haechan,” Renjun replies, and Haechan looks at him incredulously.

“Just because you can’t appreciate the masterpiece that is my voice, doesn’t mean others won’t-”

“Let’s stay focused, guys,” Mark reminds, but even he’s struggling slightly to maintain a serious expression on his face. The five of you are already familiar with each other at this point, being the ones to host the weekday special programs.

Mark’s in charge of the broadcast from ten in the morning to noon, his programme aptly titled Mark’s Music Space. You had come up with it at a meeting once, and he ended up liking it a lot more than you expected.

At two, Jaemin’s the one in the studio, a cup of coffee always by his side. Which is accurate, you suppose, since his entire programme is cafe-themed. He’s the one in charge of curating most of the playlists for the station, considering how well-versed the boy is in picking songs based on the mood.

Haechan takes over at five with 37.5Mhz, brightening the natural lull of the afternoons with his cheery personality. The boy runs it almost like a podcast at this point, often spending more time chatting than playing music. Still, if his ratings are anything to go by, you suppose there is an audience that he appeals to.

And then at nine, it’s you and Renjun’s turn, with Love.fm. The most interesting program, in your opinion, but you’ll never tell the other guys that, because they’ll definitely begin arguing with you incessantly. Still, you’re proud of how much work you and Renjun have put in, taking hours to plan out your themes and filtering through the listeners’ letters personally.

“Y/N, Renjun. Anything you guys want to change?” You look up at Mark, shaking your head. “I’m happy with the program.” “Me too,” Renjun replies, and you grin at him.

Jaemin lets out a slight chuckle, Haechan right after him, and you cast a pointed glance at the two. “What?” Jaemin quickly shakes his head, expression becoming blank once again. “Nothing.”

You look at Mark’s hesitant expression, and decide to just bite the bullet. “Mark, what is it?” The boy’s expression is stricken as he meets your gaze, and he coughs slightly before continuing. “Oh..um…I was gonna ask if you and Renjun wanted to make Love.fm a viewable broadcast.”

”Why don’t I get a viewable broadcast?”

“Because you post everything on your Instagram already. If I was your fan, I wouldn’t want to see your face anymore,” Jaemin responds, and Haechan huffs petulantly.

“Like….a live stream?” Renjun asks hesitantly, and Mark nods. “Yeah. Your program is already so popular, and I think a lot of the listeners are quite curious about what you guys look like. It would be a good idea for publicity. Of course, you don’t have to do a viewable one every day, it could be once a week, or something,” he explains, and you consider the idea briefly. It isn’t a bad one. You’re not someone who’s particularly afraid of the camera, and neither is Renjun. The idea’s almost exciting, the fact that you and Renjun are something like mini-celebrities because of your programme.

“I’m down if Renjun is,” you say, smiling, and Mark looks relieved, turning to your partner. “Sure,” Renjun says, and Mark claps his hands together. “Great! We can do the first one on Monday? For everyone else, Seulgi’s also discussing with the publicity team about getting us to film additional content, so I’ll keep you guys updated on that.”

You realise now that this is likely Seulgi’s idea, and it makes sense, really. When you had first started the job, you hadn’t expected the listeners to show so much support for their show hosts. Jaemin, Haechan and Mark have something of their own following as well. The five of you have potential as media personalities, and it's obvious that Seulgi’s making good use of it.

“Want to get breakfast?” Renjun asks, leaning over to your seat. “Yes please, I’m starving.” You grab your things and follow him out, waving goodbye to the others in the room.

As you pass by the recording studio, you hear faint voices filtering out of the room.

“Welcome to Chenji’s this….”

“And that!” You immediately recognize Jisung’s baritone and see the two younger boys inside, already rehearsing for their show. “They’ve improved a lot,” you comment, a fond smile on your face as you watch the two.

“I remember when they first joined. Jisung couldn’t even say one sentence without stuttering,” Renjun adds, and you let out a soft giggle. “Well, it’s thanks to you that he’s so good now. Don’t act like you didn’t stay up practising with him.” Renjun’s cheeks redden at your comment, but you know it’s true. Despite his colder exterior, Renjun is caring to the ones closest to him, and has a soft spot for the nervous youngest. It’s something you’ve noticed about him after spending so much time together, his quiet acts of service.

“What are you thinking about?” Renjun asks as the both of you step out into the bright morning sunlight. He looks nice today, brown corduroy jacket over a white shirt and jeans.

“I like your outfit today,” you comment, not catching the way Renjun’s breath hitches, his pulse speeding up just barely.

“Are you just saying this because you want the jacket?”

“No promises.”

When I see you happy Naturally, I'm laughing along I get excited by your actions and toss and turn

Technically, you shouldn’t even be nervous. But you can’t shake the tension that grips you, despite the two cups of hot chamomile that you’ve already consumed. It’s okay, you tell yourself. Today is like any other broadcast, Y/N.

“We just hit fifty thousand listeners,” Seulgi announces, and you sigh shakily, hearing Mark let out a low whistle at the news. You take it back. Today isn’t like any other broadcast. That’s close to double your usual number. Your train of thoughts- more like a nervous trainwreck at this point, really- is brought to a halt by the feeling of a warm hand on yours.

“You okay?” Renjun asks, his gaze warm, and you feel your heartrate slow down slightly. It’s not that you don’t want this- you’re quite excited, to be honest, but there’s also a little fear at the viewers’ reactions.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he continues, out of earshot of the people outside. However, you’re quick to pull yourself out of it, shaking your head at Renjun. His concerned gaze doesn’t leave your figure, but you smile at him reassuringly.

“I’m fine. Ready as ever. Seulgi, shall we start?” You ask, and she nods, turning on the cameras. There’s a screen in front of you that shows the comments, but you decide not to look, instead focusing on your script and the camera.

“Hello, everyone! Today is a very special day. As you can see, Ren-D and I are meeting everyone for the first time via live stream.” Renjun waves shyly at that, and you automatically grin, nervousness easing slightly as you fall back into the routine of hosting.

“I feel like someone doing a face reveal,” Renjun points out, and you laugh slightly. “Yeah, me too. Honestly, I was so nervous.”

You’re feeling much better now, and it feels like any other evening in the broadcasting studio, Renjun next to you, script in hand.

“Let me read out our first letter today, from user tyongya.”

Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,

You have no idea how excited I was for the broadcast today! I wrote this letter because I’ve been in a relationship with someone for two years, but we haven’t told each other we love each other yet. What is love to the both of you?

Thank you for this program, and I’m cheering both of you on!

“Oh…” you trail off as you think over your reply, head tilted. “Wow, that’s a big question,” Renjun comments, and you nod.

“I think love is wanting to see the other person happy, no matter what. Like, seeing them smile makes you smile too. That’s the simplest way I can put it,” you finally state, and Renjun makes a sound of agreement.

“Y/N said it well. If I love someone, I think I would place their happiness above my own. Personally, I would say that loving someone means that being with them makes you want to be a better person, both for them and for yourself.” Renjun’s looking at you as he says it, and his voice takes on a noticeably softer tone. You’re suddenly unable to look at him for some reason, gaze darting downwards to your script nervously.

Once you regain your composure, you continue, even though the back of your neck still feels warm for some reason.

“Yes, don’t forget that self-love is important too, guys,” you say, and Renjun chuckles, causing you to inevitably let out a laugh of your own as well. He’s smiling brightly, and you’re not sure whether it’s because of the excitement of doing a live video broadcast, but you can’t hold back the wide grin that appears resolutely on your features as well.

“Now, our next song is Love, Maybe by Melomance. User tyongya, this is for you. We hope you find love soon!”

“I knew you would recommend Love, Maybe,” Renjun says, a teasing smirk on his face. “It’s a good song!” you defend, and he doesn’t reply, causing you to jab him softly with your elbow.

“Say it’s a good song, or I won’t stop playing it in the car,” you threaten, leaning towards him until your faces are close. Renjun leans back playfully, away from you, and you only lean closer, eyes questioning.

Until your headphone wire gets caught, causing you to stumble forward into his chair. Renjun’s quick to catch you, and you turn to look at him, only realising your faces are a hair’s breadth away from each other when it’s too late.

You’re quite sure you’ve stopped breathing as you look into Renjun’s wide eyes. It seems like forever before he quickly regains his senses and puts some distance between the both of you, standing up from his chair and letting out a nervous cough.

You’re still in a daze, cheeks already reddening with their familiar flush.

”Guys, good job on the broadcast today- are you two alright?” Seulgi glances confusedly at the both of you as she steps in, and Renjun is the first to respond.

“Yeah…we’re fine. What did you say?” He asks, and Seulgi looks rather doubtful, even as she grins at the both of you.

“We broke our viewer record today. And you guys should see the comments,” she adds, handing the both of you her laptop. You scroll absentmindedly, taking a while to focus. There are thousands of them, coming in at a mile a minute even though the broadcast’s over.

Wow….the both of them look exactly how they sound. And I love their voices, so that speaks for itself.

Y/N looks like she could be a celebrity! And Renjun too.

It’s hard to conceal your happy smile at the positive comments, even if it’s shallow to care about your appearance. Renjun catches your eyes, and the previous tension seems to be dispelled. You continue scrolling down, not entirely ready for the next barrage of comments.

The more I think about it, Renjun and Y/N look so good together.

These two are so compatible…I wonder if they’re dating?

Wouldn’t it be so cute if they were a couple? They even run Love.fm together…it’s like something out of a fiction book.

You cough abruptly, cheeks flushing as Seulgi looks at you, concerned. Renjun seems to have noticed them too, handing the laptop back and averting his gaze from where you’re standing. You hear the door open, and realise the midnight news broadcast must be starting soon.

“Right, you guys must be tired. Go home and rest,” she nags, almost pushing the both of you out of the recording studio. You don’t even bother to resist her, thoughts hung up on the comments from the listeners.

There’s an awkward silence that hangs over you and Renjun as the both of you leave the company building, and you fiddle with your fingers, unsure of what to say. It continues even as you enter the car, and Renjun seems to feel it too, for he immediately plays music the moment the both of you get in.

You lean your head against the headrest, occasionally taking quick glances at Renjun when you think he isn’t looking. It makes you feel nervous somehow, as if you’re doing something you shouldn’t.

His profile is soft under the streetlights, silver hair shining brightly even in the darkness. You remember when he had first walked in with it, and you stared at him open-mouthed in shock. It was such a stark contrast from his previous raven black hair, and yet seemed to make his features glow even brighter. The thought makes your heart flutter against your own will. You’re bewildered at the strange feeling, and yet can’t seem to tear your eyes away from the boy.

“You’re staring. Is something wrong?” Renjun’s direct question causes you to sit up immediately, heart rate stumbling. “Nope, nothing,” you stutter out, stubbornly turning your gaze out the car window, just in time for you to miss the amused smile on Renjun’s face.

“Y/N, wait.” Your hand is on the car handle when Renjun halts you outside your apartment building. You turn back to look at him, tote bag already in your grasp. “What is it?” The silver-haired boy falls silent at that, seeming to hesitate over something. You’re patient, however, leaning back into the seat just as you recognise the next song that has started playing through his car speakers.

I'm gettin' really tired of this back and forth Why don't we just give in to this driving force? I mean, there's somethin' between us

The lyrics make your brain short-circuit, and you can’t help but interpret them in the context of the situation, filling your heart with a heady sort of hope as you look at Renjun. It feels like you’re wading into unfamiliar waters, but something tells you to keep going.

“You did well today.”

“Huh?” You’re brought back down to reality, Renjun’s words grounding you.

”You were nervous, but you got through it. I’m proud of you. That’s what I wanted to say, I guess,” he mumbles, and the words are sweet, warming your heart.

“That wasn’t what I was expecting,” you say reflexively, and he turns to you. “Were you expecting something else?” His gaze is strangely searching as he turns to you, almost as if he’s silently beseeching you to say something else as well. However, you’re seized by nerves, and quickly shake your head.

“No, nothing. Thank you, Renjun. You did well today too. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Even then, you feel a sense of disappointment, but you can’t possibly blame him for your own overactive imagination. It must be the comments getting to your head, you think, as you step out of the car and Renjun waves to you.

Still, you can’t shake the thought of Renjun being more to you, of the both of you being more than just colleagues and friends. It’s never been something that’s come to mind, and yet made glaringly obvious by the events of today. The way you are starting to find it harder to let your eyes stray from his features, the drives home with him becoming the most treasured moments of your day.

The answer’s simple, really. Stupidly simple that you should have figured it out a long time ago, considering the fact that the both of you run a romance advisory programme. You have feelings for Renjun. Not-so-platonic feelings, if the speeding up of your heartbeat in the past few days are any indication.

You only remember the second half of the lyrics when you’re on your sofa, the lyrics of the song that was playing in Renjun’s car.

If I'm on your mind You know that you're on my mind I don't want to fall in love alone

“I don’t want to fall in love alone either,” you say to no one in particular, the only accompaniment being the four walls of your studio apartment. You’re at a loss on what to do with Renjun, haunted by both the endless possibilities and the fear of rejection.

Love is hard when it comes to Renjun, and you’re not sure if all your experience with hosting will have any use.

It’s two days before Renjun sees you in the studio again. On Tuesday, he had been waiting for you outside, before Seulgi had fired a quick text saying you had called in sick.

When you were absent from your seat beside him on Wednesday, there had been a foreign feeling of emptiness in the studio, compounded by the fact that you had yet to reply Renjun’s messages. Even then, he tries to make the program as engaging as possible, assuming that you’re home resting.

It’s not the same, no matter how hard he tries. It’s not the same without you.

By the time you step into the recording booth, Renjun’s positively overcome with worry, ready to jump out of his seat and hug you at the sight of you well and alive. However, he’s not sure if it will overwhelm you. He decides to force himself to stay where he is, fiddling anxiously with his fingers as his eyes follow you around the room. You smile pensively at him when you catch his gaze. In truth, you hadn’t been sick. You were just scared of seeing Renjun, especially immediately after being confronted with the weight of your new feelings.

The introduction passes as usual, and you put in extra effort to make your voice bright and cheery after your absence, knowing that the listeners must have missed you. Even then, Renjun can detect a note of artificiality in your voice, almost as if you’re deliberately trying to present yourself that way. Maybe you’re still feeling sick, he thinks, and feels a pang of guilt for hounding you with his messages. However, he already has medicine in his bag, and a heat pack for you later, just to make sure you recover as quickly as possible.

You’re less talkative than usual today, giving short replies outside of the programme itself. Renjun tries not to let it unnerve him, but he’s not sure how to reach out to you.

“Renjun, can you read the next letter, please?” You ask cheerfully, the way your emotions switch up from lethargic to energetic becoming rather disarming to him. “Oh yes, of course,” he says, panicking slightly as he fumbles with his script, lost in thought.

Dear Ren-D and Y/N-D,

Hello! I’m not sure if you can call me a regular listener, but I’m very familiar with this program. I wrote this letter because of a very big dilemma I have. I think I have feelings for a good friend of mine, who also happens to be a colleague. But confessing might make our relationship awkward, and I don’t want to ruin it for us. At the same time, my feelings are so strong that I don’t know what to do with them.

“This is from user caramelmacchiato,” Renjun adds at the end, and you’re awfully silent as he looks at you, waiting to see if you’ll reply first. When you don’t speak after a while, he decides to go first.

“I think you should go for it,” he encourages, and the only thing he hears from you is a sharp inhale, causing Renjun to furrow his brows in concern.

“Often, we don’t have control over what we feel, or the people we like. I think it’s better to confess first. If he’s really someone you like that much, I’m sure he’s a good person who will understand your emotions, and the friendship won’t break apart that easily,” he continues, and you’re staring at Renjun now, a stricken expression on your face.

“And…for all you know, user caramelmacchiato, your friend just might like you back too.” Renjun’s mouth tilts up in a grin as he says it, his heart fluttering strangely for some reason. It definitely doesn’t help that your gaze is riveted on him, and Renjun runs a hand through his hair self-consciously. You’ve always made him nervous, even if you’ve known him for more than a year.

He quickly remembers that the both of you are on live broadcast, however, Seulgi and Jeno still watching. “Y/N?” he asks, and you shake your head as if clearing your mind from a fog.

“Oh, yes. Good luck, um…user caramelmacchiato.” Your voice is slightly high-pitched and squeaky, and it’s obvious you’re nervous, though Renjun can’t think of a reason why.

“As the night comes to a close, we have one last song for you. This is Fall in Love Alone by Stacey Ryan. Goodnight everyone!” You successfully bring the programme to a finale, and Jeno ends the broadcast.

Renjun’s quick to grab his things and make his way over to you, but you’re two steps ahead of him, almost jumping out of your chair once the microphone is off. He stares at you from where he is, and sees the same confused expression on Seulgi’s face. It’s unlike you to simply just up and leave, especially when Renjun is the one sending you home. And he doubts you have plans after midnight.

When he enters the hallway, there’s no sign of you, and Renjun worries his lip in frustration. He’s not stupid. There must be something wrong, somewhere. He thinks back to each of his interactions with you over the past week, picking each of them apart moment by moment in his brain.

The both of you had called to discuss the live broadcast four days ago, and ended up watching a movie together. And then it was the broadcast itself, where he sent you home afterwards. Where he had been so close to saying something that was on the tip of his tongue, but didn’t.

The next two days, you had disappeared without contact while you were sick.

There had to be something he was missing.

Maybe Saturday? But nothing happened other than the morning meeting. When the both of you had gotten breakfast after you bought him a matcha latte and got yourself a…

“Oh God,” he mutters to himself, the puzzle pieces falling into place. It’s not an entirely plausible idea, and Renjun’s pretty sure he’s making connections based on pure gut feeling. Still, it’s too much of a coincidence. Or maybe it isn’t. The way you’re acting, the song that you chose today to finish the broadcast, they fill Renjun’s heart with just the tiniest bit of hope.

He really has to find you now.

Renjun’s grateful he wore his better pair of sneakers today as he rushes out of the building, eyes scanning the place for your familiar figure.

It’s almost a solid five minutes of his heartbeat thundering in his ears until he spots you, walking in the direction of the intersection, and then he’s running.

Renjun reaches you right as the light turns green, grabbing your hand and causing you to spin around in shock. You’ve got your headphones on, and the sudden disturbance leaves your eyes wide in shock. You don’t even resist as Renjun drags you to a bench, motioning for you to sit next to him.

You guessed he would ask about your odd behaviour eventually. You just didn’t expect it to be so soon. The area is deserted except for the both of you, and Renjun’s still slightly out of breath as he sits next to you.

You don’t dare to look at him. It’s a cloudless day today, and you can see clearly even though there’s barely any lighting, thanks to the moon.

“Well, I’m sure you have something to say-” you start, but you’re quickly cut off by Renjun.

“User caramelmacchiato. That’s you, isn’t it?” His question causes your heart to stutter to a stop, and you’re hoping you heard him wrong. Still, the resounding silence tells you that you heard him exactly.

Honestly, you should probably have picked a better username. You’re kicking yourself for it now, realising you overlooked Renjun’s natural knack for observation. Your silence makes it obvious that he’s right, and the boy next to you lets out a soft sigh, causing your heart to fall slightly.

Your posture is tense, already prepared for the sting of inevitable rejection. “It’s okay if you don’t like me, Renjun, really, I’ll be fine-” you’re cut off by his palm over your mouth, and you stare at him incredulously. Renjun, for his part, looks frustrated, forehead scrunched as he turns to face you.

“Will you let me speak for one second?” He says exasperatedly, and you nod.

“I was right about the friend. He likes you back too,” Renjun mutters, and you stare at him for a few seconds too long before the words sink in. You push his hand away roughly, your lips falling open into an expression of shock.

“What?” Renjun shrugs at the disbelief on your face. “Is it that hard to believe?”

“No, it’s just that the both of us-” You’re quickly silenced again, but this time, instead of his hand, Renjun’s lips are on yours. He’s kissing you, and you’re frozen, eyes wide.

Renjun fills with alarm when you’re unresponsive, and he’s wondering if he’s made a terrible, terrible mistake. He’s just about to pull away, when there’s a tug on his hoodie. You’re kissing him back, and he can hear nothing but his heartbeat.

Renju’s not one for physical affection, but he thinks he might be dreaming. You’re definitely topping the list of people he doesn’t mind being touchy with, and he might just seek it out himself.

It seems like too soon when you finally pull away, but Renjun doesn’t mind. After all, he’s hoping that the both of you have plenty of time, to do….whatever this is. There’s still a tiny part of him, however, that fears the thought of you realising this was a mistake and running away.

That fear quickly disappears when you break out into the most radiant smile Renjun has ever seen, causing him to let out an exhale of relief, and you burst out in giggles at his expression. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m just happy,” you confess, and Renjun’s heart feels so full, so light, as you lean against him.

“I think I liked you the first day you walked into our office. I was just too much of a coward to consider even dating a colleague,” you continue, and Renjun lets a fond smile make its way onto his face.

“If you’re a coward, then I’m an idiot for not realising sooner. Will you let me send you home now?” At your soft nod, Renjun extends a hand out to you, relishing the feeling of your smaller palm in his.

It may have taken a year of waiting, confusion, and a whole lot of running, but Renjun finally has you, and he’s never going to let you go, not if you’ll have him.

“Ren-D, some of our readers are asking about your first love. Do you have any fun stories to share?”

There’s a teasing lilt to your voice, and the only thing preventing Renjun from rolling his eyes is the fact that the camera is currently panned to him.

“No fun stories, unfortunately, but I do have a reader’s letter to share.”

“Oh?”

Renjun clears his throat, feeling strangely nervous.

Dear Y/N-D and Ren-D,

Yesterday, I finally found the courage to chase after someone that I liked, and looking back, I think they might be my first love. I didn’t realise it until they confessed to me first, but I found myself missing their presence unconsciously when they were gone. I think many of us don’t realize how precious someone is until they’re no longer there. Hence, to all the fellow listeners here, I hope that you’ll live without regrets, and bravely chase your first love no matter what!

“Oh,” you exhale softly, eyes wide. The letter was strangely sentimental, heavy for a program such as yours. You can see the comments flowing in, and you’re sure many of them feel the same as you now.

“This person is really good with words,” you comment, and Renjun huffs a laugh, almost like he’s hiding a secret.

“This is from user matchalatte,” he says, and you nod absentmindedly in response, before you freeze, head whipping to look at him. The corners of his mouth are tilted up in a smirk, and you’re staring at him, before realising that the cameras are now panned to the both of you.

There’s heat rushing to your cheeks now, realising that you know who exactly user matchalatte is. Of course it’s him. Only Renjun would think of returning the gesture, just to see your reaction on broadcast.

“Um.” You’re not yet able to formulate words to respond, even though you know that Seulgi and Jeno are likely in the other room watching you both, along with tens of thousands of listeners. Renjun lets out a soft laugh at your starstruck expression, and it causes your heart to skip a beat at his happy expression.

“The next song we have for everyone is Je T’aime by Joy. We’ll be back after the break!” Renjun smoothly takes over your line while you’re still distracted, and embarrassingly enough, it makes you melt even more.

The gentle notes of the starting piano play are audible throughout the studio, and you jolt with familiarity, eyes meeting Renjun’s. You had added this to his playlist while the both of you were drafting the program schedule, and even though he had been ambivalent to the song at first, you found the album sitting on your desk a week later.

Honestly, you should have realised it sooner. That he was the one you wanted to have morning coffee runs and midnight drives with. The person whose playlists you would listen to and whose favourite songs you would save.

Je t’aime. It’s an expression of love, but you don’t think all the languages in the world are enough to describe the way you feel with Renjun. He makes you feel like you’re floating, but at the same time the one who’s grounding you, a tethering force that makes you feel safe.

There’s a consistency to the way Renjun cares for you, the way he makes a space for himself so easily in your life that he feels like home. Having his love has already become a force of habit, one that you never want to break.

The beeping of the timer reminds you that the advertisement break is up, and you’ve managed to regain some semblance of composure externally, even though there’s still a light pink dusting your cheeks.

“Welcome back to Love.fm with Ren-D and Y/N! Today’s a chilly Friday evening, so let us accompany you into the weekend. Send in any romantic worries you have, and we’ll answer each and every one of them,” you start, and narrowly avoid stuttering when a hand encapsulates yours under the desk. You flash a warning glance at Renjun despite your previous nervousness, but the boy simply has a smug grin on his face.

Still, despite his teasing, you’ll gladly give anything to live in these moments forever, him next to you with his headphones on and script in hand.

Stay by my side like a delicate scent I guess I love you, I'm in love I hope this pleasant feeling will never change

[shegeekery]

Reparenting Loki

I want to talk about a dynamic in the Loki/Mobius relationship (in the Loki TV-series) that I've seen touched on but not really discussed in depth.

Note to Lokius-lovers: nothing I say here in any way precludes a healthy romantic relationship. They're both consenting adults, after all, and this wasn't a formal therapist-client relationship.

There's a technique in therapy called "reparenting". The idea is that trauma and behaviors caused by bad parenting can be addressed to some extent if the therapist assumes the role of a "good parent".

I think we can all agree that the "All-Father" was crap as an actual father. Odin knew that Loki took after him even more than Thor did, but many of those shared traits were things that he tried to hide from everyone, while Thor better represented the image he wanted to project. The result was a cruel favoritism, which was picked up by Thor and the rest of the Asgardians. Frigga's love and support wasn't enough to counteract that cruelty, particularly in a strongly patriarchal society like Asgard.

Side note (because I'm that kind of geek): there were so many similarities between Odin and Loki (Odin's friend and blood-brother rather than his son) in the old Norse myths that some scholars have suggested that Loki was at one point simply an aspect of Odin. There's also evidence that the stories as they came down to us were manipulated by the Christians who committed them to writing to shoehorn Loki into something more like the Christian Devil.

Anyway, getting back to our guys... Within the context of the TVA, Mobius represented an authority figure to Loki, who had a long history of rebelling against (or betraying) authority for obvious reasons.

I think the first turning point in the relationship for Loki was:

Loki: I am smart!

Mobius: I know. Loki is rarely left speechless, but his only response to Mobius's simple affirmation was a very un-Loki-like "Okay..." He didn't know how to respond because he wasn't used to that kind of thing, particularly from someone who had power over him. It happened again with:

Loki: A villain.

Mobius: That's not how I see it.

The dynamic between these two people throughout Season 1 was like that. Mobius's genuine love (whether you read it as romantic, platonic, fatherly, brotherly, or a mix of any or all of these) for and non-judgmental acceptance of Loki was apparent from the start, but of course Loki's experiences during his very long lifetime made it nearly impossible for him to trust that until Mobius's actions convinced him that it was real. Learning to trust Mobius also allowed Loki to see himself in a new light.

For his part, Mobius consistently modeled what a good father would have been: loving and accepting, yes, but still able to apply "tough love" when that was warranted. Mobius didn't put Loki into the bad-memory loop to punish him because he was angry (though he was angry, or at least a bit hurt and disappointed). He was just trying to force Loki to acknowledge a truth about himself so that they could move forward — and it worked!

Mobius's instincts and experience as an actual father to two boys, one reasonably well-behaved and the other a mischievous troublemaker, served him well in this, even if he didn't consciously remember his life on the timeline.

Mobius all but confirmed this when he said:

Mobius:  I see a scared little boy, shivering in the cold... 

It's also significant that when Loki brought this up later, he called it "patronizing", which we usually use to mean "condescending", but can also mean "supporting" and has its root in the Latin word "pater" (father).

I see the hug in episode 1-5 as a sign that the reparenting had taken hold, and that Loki, while not completely healed (it would take a lot more than that!), was at least in a place where he could trust someone, accept love/friendship, and think beyond his own wants and needs.

By Season 2, the relationship between the two men was evolving into one of equals, but even then Loki still occasionally looked to Mobius for guidance. Mobius's approval had become important to him. When Loki witnessed the firm but compassionate way in which Don dealt with two boys who were so like himself and Thor (despite being a stressed-out single dad rather than a god-king with tremendous resources at his disposal), he had to have seen that this was at the core of who Mobius was. Moreover, Loki — and any viewers who had similarly survived a traumatic childhood full of emotional abuse and neglect — probably guessed that Don himself was a survivor who was determined to see to it that his boys would never have to deal with that. If that was the case, then Mobius didn't just see his own son in Loki. He saw himself and couldn't help but empathize.

Don wasn't perfect. His frustration with his younger son was very evident, but Loki, observing, could see the love that lay under it. He may even have thought of times when Odin was driven to anger by Loki's actions and realized that the anger didn't necessarily mean that Odin didn't really love him. Learning to forgive what can be forgiven is another aspect of recovering from childhood trauma.

It's worth remembering that Mobius knew Loki in much the same way we do. We got to see the things that Loki never let anybody see: the fear, the vulnerability, the pain, the longing, and the sadness. (Doesn't hurt that TH can turn a simple reaction shot into a freakin' soliloquy!) The difference is that, while we only get to see the highlights (and lowlights) of Loki's life, Mobius had access to all of it and he had centuries to study it.

Mobius literally knew Loki better than anyone else in (or out) of the multiverse. How could he not love him? And for Loki, knowing that somebody who knew him that well genuinely cared so much for him (same with Sylvie, who understood him in ways that only another Loki could and vice-versa) had to have shaken him to his core and made him rethink a lot of things. The fact that it was Mobius to whom Loki turned in episode 2.6 when he thought he might have to kill Sylvie shows how much he still looked up to Mobius in many ways.

This was a show about redemption, yes, but also about healing from childhood trauma. They did an amazing job with it.

[justkissmewip]

I read the intro post about this project and I was so curious, but before jumping in and reading the demo I decided to see the character post for A. And my excitement immediately died.

AI? Really?

I'm not opposed to the concept of AI alone, but right now it's just so deeply unethical. The ecological impact, the thousands and thousands of artists whose work was stolen and used to train those algorithms, sometimes leading to almost 1:1 copies of their creative work being produced and used for profit by someone else - those are all issues that are often discussed in creative spaces.

And even if you don't care about all that - how are your readers supposed to trust you? How are they supposed to trust that you're actually making what you're saying you're making instead of just feeding prompts to AI?

There are just so many ethical alternatives and some of them are even free. You could commission an artist. You could look through some archives for free use vintage illustrations of schools like the one you have in your header. You could use picrew for the character portraits to have that visualisation without reaching for AI. Some IF authors just find face claims among actors and celebrities.

It's just disappointing to see someone who's a part of this beautiful, vibrant, and creative group that is the IF writing community, use inventions that currently hurt artists all over the world.

Hmm, okay, this is a heavy one! Ha-ha, a post like this is definitely a good way to wake me up in the morning.

I want to apologize to artists on this forum (well, and all artists everywhere) for using AI art. I did it with no ill-will; I simply wanted a placeholder in the meantime so that readers could get an idea of what these characters look like. AI is a great tool for people who do not have the funds or access to other materials. But, this person makes some great points - there is a lot of uncertainty around AI, such as legality, and particularly the point about AI chatbots being trained using artists work without their permission. I really don't want to cause anyone harm, nor do I want to get into trouble honestly, so I'm going to stop using AI images from now on.

However, I do not appreciate the implication that using AI art is an automatic indication that I am using AI to generate my story and am no longer trustworthy. Writing interactive fiction is a lot of work, as I'm sure many of you know, and I take it very seriously. I want to produce the best product possible of course! So, rest assured that ChatGPT isn't currently churning out the next chapter of JKM. It wouldn't write Sawyer right anyways ;)

Art is not cheap, which makes a lot of sense, because artists deserve to be paid adequately for their work. So, I'm not going to look into art assets too much now until JKM is close to being finished, which is probably not any time soon if I'm being honest. I would rather wait and get some quality work that I think suits the characters then use anything else, especially since I personally imagine the characters in a more comic-book/anime style anyways. I apologize for that! But, the imagination is much better than any AI images I would have uploaded anyways.

To all artists, again, I am sorry! I appreciate and respect your hard work and efforts. I look forward to working with some of you as JKM progresses and I need to commission some art. Because trust me when I say I am not artistically inclined at all :).

To the person who wrote this, thank you for your great points. I can appreciate your passion about protecting artists. Hopefully you can give JKM another chance despite this setback.

Cheers,

Lucky

[chaos0pikachu]

Filmmaking? In My BL? - The Horror Influences of Dead Friend Forever

Okay off the bat I'ma say that this isn't me definitively saying these specific films or tv series are what inspired 100% DFF. I simply do not know what stuff the screenwriters were pulling from influence wise when writing the script, nor what the director was pulling from when directing the series, with 100% flawless certainty.

Rather, this is a chance to talk more about horror, from films, comics, visuals, and sub-genres and how these various mediums are what I see in the fabric of DFF's horror makeup. Also, general point, this post will be discussing minor spoilers of: Scream, DFF, and Girl from Nowhere. So like, be aware~~

This post is partially inspired by an ask from @italianpersonwithashippersheart in which the anon had mentioned Scream.

I couldn't really respond to this in detail before cause I hadn't watched the series, but I have now and I can say that the show is very thoroughly nothing at all like Scream. I'm not confident in much - other than my inability to reach the top shelf at the market - but I am confident in saying that lol

But this got me thinking, what type of horror IS DFF? I've seen a lot of folks say it's a slasher, and I both agree and disagree.

Horror as a genre is vast with sub-genres, it's probably one of the most universal and popular genres globally, and every culture has their own horror legends, cult classics, mainstays and shlock.

So that's what I'm going to talk about in this post, the slasher genre, why I don't think DFF 100% can be boxed into that sub-genre, what type of horror I think DFF is, and the influences I see in DFF's filmmaking and thematics.

So if we start anywhere, we gotta start with Scream (1996) since that's a comparison I've seen being made a lot.

The main reason I disagree in the comparisons to Scream is that Scream is considered a work of satire first and foremost. Through the power of capitalism and franchising, it's also consider a "whodunit" series.

“Scream” is the first movie of its kind to execute a satire genre within a horror movie, which is one of the most iconic and memorable elements of the film. The original movie makes many references to other well-known horror films and mocks them, while simultaneously leading the same plot points. [...] Although the following films in the “Scream” franchise do not follow as much of the same mockery of horror films, they are still considered to be satirical because of their use of mockery toward the movie franchise. “Scream 2” mocks film sequels and “Scream 3” mocks film trilogies." (source)

[sidenote one of my favorite examples of satirical meta horror is Wes Craven's New Nightmare]

DFF isn't satirizing anything in horror, it's almost entirely self-serious. Sure there's a couple of moments of hilarity - dick biting, and scooter snatchin' - but overall the show plays things pretty straight (gay sex notwithstanding). I've seen some folks claim it's subverting horror tropes, but I don't see that either (would be interested in discussing that tho cause I'm curious).

I get why people make this comparison though, Scream is a 27 yr old franchise, and probably the most relevant slasher franchise currently. The new Halloween movies were...cute but aside from the first Halloween (2018) the rest of the reboot franchise had diminishing returns; each film made less than the previous, and received lower critical scores.

However, Scream has actually grown as a franchise in the States in terms of box office draw. That said, Scream is actually not a huge earner overseas, Scream IV (2023) earned more than 60% of it's box office revenue domestically. In Thailand, according to reports, it only earned about 300,000 (compared to other international territories like Brazil where it earned around 4,600,000).

So I don't think DFF is pulling much from Scream in terms of setting, tone, or story. I do think the show most resembles Scream in directorial style, specifically in the imagery of the Killer's design and in the slow-crawl mask reveals that have happened so far.

[very obviously spoilers for all the scream films watch at your own risk etc, gif by @my-rose-tinted-glasses]

So what is a slasher film or story?

"A slasher movie is a horror sub-genre that involves the murdering of a number of people by a psychopathic killer, typically via a knife or bladed tool (such as a scythe).

In general, the horror genre is known for its fear, violence and terror. It will typically feature a menacing villain, whether it be a monster or a supernatural evil spirit, for example." (source)

Other common but not inherent secondary characteristics of a slasher story will include: young adults as central characters, sex (typically as a means of punishment "sex gets you killed"), the killer is motivated by revenge, lots of gore and/or violent kills and a "final girl".

I point out common but not inherent because the main tenants of a slasher story is the overall body count, female protagonist and a mysterious (typically masked) killer.

For example, in Scream (96) Ghostface is motivated by revenge, however in Halloween (1978), Texas Chainsaw (1974), Prom Night (2008), You're Next (2011) and Wrong Turn (2003) the killers are not.

If there is a western horror franchise or film that the setting of DFF more closely aligns with, it's Friday the 13th (2009). Which was a sequel/reboot to the original Friday the 13th (1980) starring Tumblr's own Jared Padalecki as one of the leads (that was an interesting year as Jensen Ackles also starred in a remake of a classic 80s horror film My Blood Valentine).

In Friday (09) the bulk of the story takes place at a mansion styled cabin in the woods near Crystal Lake owned by one of the characters rich parents. Jason eventually hunts down each of the characters, killing them in various ways, and they even find his home with a shrine to his mother there. There's also like, a lot of sex and nudity in Friday (09) none of it fun or sexy as it's pretty, unfortunately, misogynistic.

Being in an isolated area, like the cabin in the woods in DFF and Friday (09) is also not a requirement within the slasher sub-genre.

Many slasher films, especially American classics during the genres 80s peak, actually take place more often in suburbia rather than in isolated locations like the woods. Which reflected real world anxieties from predominately white communities and a turn towards more conservative politics of that era in America.

"Those same well-kept neighborhoods and quiet backyards of my childhood were also the battlegrounds of the ’80s horror movie, a radical pivot in the genre’s history. The decade’s opening years were bracketed by the kidnappings of Etan Patz (which inspired the Missing Kids on a Milk Carton program) and Adam Walsh (which inspired his father John Walsh to later create the TV show "America’s Most Wanted"). Combined with the conservative turn in crime and punishment law brought on by the Reagan administration, horror appeared to turn from the supernatural curses of the decade before ("The Exorcist," "The Omen") to a homegrown product of our own sins. Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger are psychotic loons but also human beings who come not from afar but from down the street. The possibility that one of them could be lurking just beyond the sliding back door of a sleepover birthday seems too darkly delicious to pass up, a fictional killer standing in for a warning your parents and society gave you about “stranger danger,” real-life evil lurking in the dark." (source)

Isolated settings, while can be a setting in slashers are more often found in psychological horror films: The Strangers (2008), When A Stranger Calls (1979, 2006), Hush (2016). Also the Evil Dead (1981, 1987, 2013).

[The latter has it's own interesting history of wanting to be psychological body horror, to horror comedy cult classic, back to psychological body horror. Honestly if any franchise has influenced the "horror set in a cabin in the woods" it's Evil Dead, which is paid major homage to in Cabin in the Woods (2011).]

Sooooo is DFF a slasher?

Hm, for me, yes and no. Slashers require a high body count and pretty gory deaths. So far we've only had 3 deaths, only two of which were even committed by the killer themselves and not even by their own hand (ie directly).

For me, the slasher elements of DFF exist in the directorial styling of the film, meant invoke a classic slasher film but that's not where the true horror of the story exists.

I'm a big slasher fan, so I'm not trying to discount the sub-genre at all, lots of slasher films are good, and when done well, they're truly scary. But they also tend to be straight forward in design, the fear comes from the feature of being stalked by an unseeable and unstoppable force infiltrating what should be a safe space (your home, your school, your neighborhood, your camp grounds etc).

Which is why slasher films are also the most common horror sub-genre to be parodied (Scary Movie franchise) or made into horror comedies like Freaky (2020), The Final Girls (2015), Happy Death Day (2017), and Totally Killer (2023).

[sidenote slashers have this in common with the zombie sub-genre of horror as zombie films in America have also tended in recent years to be horror comedies or horror action like: Little Monsters (2019), Cooties (2014), Zombieland (2009), Pride Prejudice and Zombies (2016)]

I'd argue that DFF is much more in line with psychological horror than slasher horror. Because it is anything but straightforward and also has a strong emphasis on relationships and isolation as does most psychological horror.

Films like: It Comes At Night (2017), Us (2019), Perfect Blue (1997), A Tale of Two Sisters (2004), The Forgotten (2017), Dark Water (2002) all have similar elements in terms of tone as DFF.

The isolated setting, the allure of the mundane normality being a veneer for the violence lurking beneath the surface, the existence of the paranormal, the use of drugs to increase fear, the unsettling paranoia, and slow burn crawl towards all the characters being unteathered from themselves, the growing distrust between them and their loved ones, the plot twists and turns, the emphasis on human relationships and the horror that comes from those.

The backstory with Non is what pushed the show past slasher horror to psychological horror for me. Because Non's "downfall" as it were, feels more akin to the slow burn psych horror rooted in a lot of Japanese, Thai films/tv shows, and modern A24 style horror films.

The horror of Midsommar (2019) doesn't come from jump scares, or violence, but in slowly watching the protagonist grow more and more unteathered, mistreated, gaslit, more and more with each passing moment, slowly inducted into a horrific cult and being able to do nothing to stop her descent.

A big influence I saw in DFF was Girl from Nowhere (2018); the school setting, the crimes committed by a group of students against a singular student, class exploration, structural violence, the exploration of retribution are all topics explored in the first season of Girl from Nowhere.

Even the series trailer for GFN and the pre-release trailer for DFF are similar in production design and tone:

Titled "BFF" the two-part finale from season 01, is about a high school reunion, where a group of now established adults come back together for a party (their reunion) only to be confronted by their past via Nanno (the shows protagonist for lack of a better term).

Through Nanno we learn about the chars past misdeeds in high school - bullying, physical assault, stealing, the works - and their current crimes as adults. As more and more layers of the truth, lies, and betrayal are revealed, the friend group begins to crack, fracture and turn against each other, growing more and more paranoid and angry.

Nanno tells the group that they've also all been drugged with poison and there's only one vial of antidote left, the "friends" all horrifically murder each other in order to get the antidote. In the end, no one survives. EXCEPT, it was all a mass hallucinate and the group wakes up, remembering everything, and quietly leave one-by-one. No longer friends, no longer not-friends, everyone forever changed by the experience.

It's an unsettling ending that leaves things open ended. This group of friends were responsible for the bullying and death of Nanno (she's fine she's like immortal or something I'm pretty sure GFN was partially influenced by Tomie by Junji Ito) and they simply refused to acknowledge what they did to her, nor talk about her, eventually forgetting she existed until forced too through a traumatic retribution by Nanno herself.

[Nanno from Girl from Nowhere, Tomie from Junji Ito's Tomie series]

DFF has a lot in common, from my perspective, with GFN in terms of tone, themes and even parts of it's story.

Nanno isn't doling out "justice" she doles out retributions, punishments, sometimes they're outright torturous. Whether the recipients "deserve" these punishments or not, is really up to the viewer. The show does a good job of showcasing a wide variety of characters who are unrepentant, sympathetic, and somewhere in between. The fears it plays upon are more slow burn, it boils the characters rather than setting them on fire like slashers do.

DFF is similar in this aspect, it boils the characters. Watching Non's story, you already know at the start it's nothing good. We know from the first flashback something bad has happened to Non, but it's not really something, it's many things - so many things - that have led to whatever tragedy the main group must pay for.

It's these compounding factors one after another that brings Non to a boil, and the same thing happens with Tan/New. The horror of DFF is more about getting under the skin, causing the characters discomfort by forcing them to confront the sins they've committed (is there anything more horrific than being seen? Especially if you ugly?).

I mentioned Junji Ito in reference to Girl from Nowhere, to say Ito has been influential on horror feels like an understatement. His series Tomie has been adapted into 7 different Japanese films, he's won 3 Eisner awards (the highest award you can win in America for comics publishing), along with a slew of awards in Japan, his series Uzumaki has been referenced in super popular anime like Jujustu Kaisen.

A big factor of Ito's work is body horror and psychological horror. His work unsettles, and is very visceral. Since Uzumaki was referenced in DFF I think rather than being influenced by specifically Uzumaki (which DFF doesn't have much in common with in regards to general story) I'd argue the show is more influenced by Ito's desire to unsettle.

[from Uzumaki], 1998]

Also potentially to take symbols of piety, faith and protection (the temple, the cross at the chars high school) and turn them into places of horror for the characters.

Like Ito did with the spiral motifs in Uzumaki, said Ito in an interview:

"The "spiral pattern" is not normally associated with horror fiction. Usually spiral patterns mark character’s cheeks in Japanese comedy cartoons, representing an effect of warmth. However, I thought it could be used in horror if I drew it a different way." (source)

[I am also begging y'all to check out Junji Ito's book Cat Diary it's hilarious, even more so b/c his style of art is so rooted in horror]

I think DFF is actually very Thai in it's exploration of what's unsettling and horrific to youth culture in Thailand currently. The feeling of haplessness, judgement, an inability to exert control over one's circumstances, mental health, consent, bullying, these were themes and topics explored in both seasons of GFN but also some of these were explored in The Whole Truth (2021) a Thai horror/mystery film.

There's a scene in The Whole Truth in which one of the protagonists school friends secretly films their younger sister getting undressed without her knowledge, and when caught, the classmate threatens to release the clip publicly and claim the sister is "a slut". One of the protagonists is also bullied at school - including by this disgusting classmate who they still consider "a friend" - but puts up with it in order to be in a friend group at all (this bullied char also has a physical disability which contributes to their mistreatment at school).

I think DFF is exploring a lot of these same topics but most of the characters are just gay this time around.

Okay I'm losing steam here a bit, this has gotten very long, but overall I'd argue that DFF is much more psychological horror than a slasher, in terms of it's tone, and story. Whilst invoking slasher imagery in it's directorial style.

That said it's much more in line with Thai and Japanese horror than American horror in regards to it's themes. If the series was going to be boiled down just to the basics, I'd quantify it as psychological horror mystery.

And those are my thoughts on DFF and horror, I guess lol I'm not 100% satisfied with this but god damn I'm tired this took forever lmao if y'all made it this far, bless and stay safe out there cause the ship wars are wildin out in these parts.

Check out other posts in the series:

Film Making? In My BL? - The Sign ep01 Edition | Aspect Ratio in Love for Love's Sake | Cinematography in My BL - Our Skyy2 vs kinnporsche, 2gether vs semantic error, 1000 Stars vs The Sign | How The Sign Uses CGI | Is BL Being Overly Influenced by Modern Western Romance Tropes? | Trends in BL (Sorta): Genre Trends

[like these posts? drop me a couple pennies on ko-fi]

[creedslove]

marcus p would’ve been so scared of the nun he does not seem like a scary movie typa guy😭

Javier Peña, Joel Miller, Marcus Pike, Dave York, Javi Gutierrez x f!reader

A/N: I don't think so anon, I think he would like it 😭

Javier Peña: didn't want to come in the first place; he is tired and he would much rather spend his time having a few drinks at home and you bouncing up and down his cock instead of watching a trashy horror movie. The fact he's gotta go two whole hours without smoking isn't appealing to him at all, so he holds onto the hope of maybe getting a blowjob or something like that, but that doesn't happen because the movie is actually a lot more interesting than he thought it would be and he's entertained by it, even if he doesn't admit it

Joel Miller: Joel doesn't go to the movies as often as he used to when he was younger, he simply lost the habit as his couch and tv got more and more appealing to him over the years and yet, he's excited to go with you. He isn't a diehard fan of horror movies but he watched his fair share of it back in the day, and of course he enjoys the fact you very often cling to him because you got scared. When he gets there, all the thrill he felt for being at the movies is back and he's suddenly very excited, but don't forget he's a dad™ and as every dad, he'll complain about the prices and how things were cheaper when he was younger

Marcus Pike: Marcus loves going to the movies, and he doesn't do it more often because he's too tired after work, horror movies aren't his first choice, but if you wanna watch it, he'll be there for you, he trusts your taste and maybe it will be a good movie. He'll always be touching you, arm over your shoulder, or hand resting on your thigh and he loves how close you are to him, he doesn't jump during the scary scenes because he's too busy staring at you to see if you are gonna jump and offer you his touch so you can calm down

Dave York: just like Joel, Dave used to love going to the movies when he was younger but he simply lost the habit over the years; when he was still with Carol, her idea of dates were always bars or restaurants that cost WAY MORE than movie tickets and popcorn, so it is a nice change for him to watch a movie with you. It reminds him of when he was younger and life was easier, he doesn't get scared at all, he knows that shit is all made up of latex, bad makeup and fake blood. Speaking of fake blood, it bothers Dave how highly inaccurate the death scenes are, people just don't die like that in real life, but he doesn't bring it up, he doesn't want to kill the mood

Javi Gutierrez: okay, if you wanna go to the movies with someone, this is the man you've been looking for!!! Let's start with the fact that if you want he will literally rent an entire movie theater for the two of you as I've already said many times here, but he doesn't mind if you wanna go to a regular session. Perhaps Javi G's favorite isn't horror but as someone who's passionate about the fine art of film™ like himself, he will give it a try, after all, one of the best movies of all time is a horror movie!!!! The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari!!!!!!!!!! So yeah, that man is attentive, he is quiet, he is focused on that screen and he barely blinks. I have a feeling he would even avoid eating and drinking during the movie because that would distract him. At the end of the exhibition, he will love discussing technical details with you and he will ask you to pick more movies for the two of you to watch, as he thinks it was a very good experience you both shared

____

[walkingstackofbooks]

Treat + Garak!!

Thank you! I don;t have any WIPs with Garak in that I can currently share, so please accept this conversation from Vision Awry that I'm still very happy with ^_^

“My dear doctor, are you quite alright?” 

“Wednesday,” he chuckled, trying to sound like he’d only just realised what day of the week it was. “I was totally on Tuesday.” It was a weak deflection, and he raced to find a topic of conversation that would draw Garak’s attention away more thoroughly. “Do Cardassians have Wednesdays?” he asked, remembering a conversation that had carried them practically the whole way through lunch almost two years ago. It was conceivable that he could have forgotten it. “I mean - what are you saying when I hear “Wednesday”? More accurately, we should all call it bikrenga - I hope I’m saying that right - but the Universal Translator simply translates the Bajoran third day of the week into our third day of the week, and I don’t think I’ve ever asked what a Cardassian week is like.”

Garak smiled. “You mean to say you’ve forgotten our most diverting conversation on the topic when discussing Toloth’s Memories of a Dutiful Citizen?”

“I must have,” Julian lied. “I can always look it up if repeating yourself will bore you…”

“Doctor,” Garak admonished. “Speaking with you would never bore me. What would you like to eat?” 

Julian reeled off his usual order, and soon they were both seated at a table. Now that he had food in front of him, the doctor realised how hungry he was, and was pleased that Garak wouldn’t have another reason to be suspicious. 

“In answer to your question, yes, Cardassians have weeks. Each one has exactly ten days  - which even you must concede makes far more sense than a Bajoran week does.”

Julian had still not figured out what Garak really thought about Bajorans, but he was certain that the distaste Garak had for the Bajoran week was not put on. Bajoran time operated on a bi-weekly system; their months were 26 days long, a bi-week 13 days -- meaning that the closest equivalent to a Federation “week” alternated between being 6 or 7 days long. Having lived on the station for three years, Julian had grown completely used to the system, and barely even noticed the “missing Sunday” anymore. 

“Perhaps, but there’s a certain sense of whimsy our weeks have that I’m rather fond of.” Julian bit back a grin; “whimsy” was a concept he’d had to explain to Garak when they’d read Alice In Wonderland, of which Garak had been wholly sceptical. 

“My dear doctor, “whimsy” is a very poor substitution for efficiency,” replied Garak. “I refuse to believe you actually favour the Bajoran system.”

“I suppose I’d have to take into consideration how long a Cardassian weekend is,” Julian smiled, knowing full well there was no such thing as a weekend on Cardassia. He sat back in his chair, waiting for Garak to take the bait. He didn’t often “forget” conversations, but he wasn’t expected to remember everything, and on the odd occasion when he didn’t want to think so hard, it was fun to revisit an argument that Garak could not resist. 

“Another Federation concept that would have been scrapped long ago if your society had any desire to be well-organised,” said Garak. “On Cardassia, we get rid of archaic customs once they have outgrown their use.”

“If you don’t have weekends, when do you get time off?”

“Doctor, serving the state is not a commitment you can simply put down.” Garak was leaning forward, his eyes bright as he made his point. “You have a duty to your work, and a duty to your family, and so there is time enough for both in every Cardassian day.”

“But Garak, it is well-established that people need rest to be happy and productive. I’m aware you don’t care much for the former, but surely productivity is something Cardassians value?”

“Our citizens know what is expected of them. Which is more than I could say of the Federation - when was the last time you had one of these lauded “weekends”, Doctor? I’m certain they don’t appear in your schedule.”

It was a fair point - Julian definitely worked far more than four days each week - and on another day he might have admitted defeat. 

“My days off might not be as consistent as they are in other jobs, but I do get them, Garak. As evidenced by the fact that I’m not working today,” he said smugly, feeling pleased to have come out on top for once. 

“So you have, Doctor,” replied Garak, “and do enlighten me - is it usual for you to spend your precious time off with your colleagues in Ops? You seemed ever so reluctant to stop working earlier.”

Julian had the sinking feeling that he hadn’t outmanoeuvred Garak at all. As usual, he’d played right into the tailor’s hands. He really didn’t want to tell Garak about the reality of his last two days though, since the Cardassian was more than likely to find a hundred different things Julian could have done differently, and treat the argument with the same levity that he would give their discussions on literature. 

Distraction hadn’t worked, so he decided to see if an honest plea would. “Actually, Garak, I’ve been caught up in some things that, if you don’t mind, I’d rather not discuss right now. 

Garak raised his eyebrows. “You intrigue me, Doctor. I haven’t noticed anything amiss on the station, certainly nothing concerning yourself, or the health of Chief O’Brien.” Juilan stiffened in his seat, and Garak raised his hands in apology. “But then, what should I know about station affairs: I am just a tailor, after all. Forgive me, Doctor, I shall restrain myself from prying if it pleases you. Have you finished reading The Knife and Bearer?”

Julian relaxed back into his seat again, pleasantly surprised that the other man had let it go so easily. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Garak… although it was true that he didn’t, exactly, trust Garak… but the Cardassian was usually as tenacious as Julian was himself. He smiled across the table, more than happy to accept the olive branch Garak had offered.

“As a matter of fact, I have - and your choices are getting better Garak, I almost enjoyed some of it!” 

Garak sighed and shook his head. “My dear Doctor, I can see we still have a long way to go in your instruction. What issue could you possibly have with such a distinguished work?”

“Issues plural, Garak. Now where should I start…?”

[lets-try-some-writing]

The Grim Dark Archives: Statement #005 Named Cybertronians

[Statement taken from [Redacted] on [Redacted: Sensitive data] regarding known Cybertronians. They were asked to elaborate on the Cybertronians that have been recorded as being present on Earth after the alien known as Cliffjumper was killed in action. We know very little about the event, but supposedly Cliffjumper was deployed to search for Decepticon activity.

According to the report given to us by Optimus Prime, Cliffjumper found where Decepticon agents were mining energon and promptly initiated combat. This resulted in his capture by the Decepticons, and although a corpse has yet to be recovered, the Autobots reported that his vitals flatlined.

High command saw fit to use [Redacted]'s knowledge to try and gain an understanding of just how many aliens we could possibly be dealing with in the near future. Thankfully [Redacted] was more than willing to speak on the matter and has already expressed an interest on elaborating more on certain individuals.

Statement begins.]

══════════════════

Oh this is the kind of question I will gladly answer. Collecting data on people, organizations, a various beliefs is my specialty. Now, since you are already familiar with the Autobots, I shall begin with them.

Let's start with the two wheeler. Her designation is Arcee, as you know. She is of a small sub-class of Cybertronians known as 'femmes' and well known for her abilities. Let me warn you now, femmes are some of the most terrifying Cybertronians out there, and not for the reason you may think. They may be small and seem feminine to you organics, but our femmes are built with strange and unique abilities alongside their differing processing methods. I will go more in depth regarding Cybertronian femmes a bit later. For now, all you need to know is that they latch onto the mentally or physically weak amongst our kind. And at that point, they claim the mech in question and slowly prepare to use their ability and... improve them.

Don't question it right now. There will be time for explanations later. For now, we are doing an overview aren't we? Anyway, her records do not go back to before the war, but personal investigation leads me to believe that she likely worked for the High Council in some capacity. She has ties to the Primacy but largely sticks with the Prime because he likes having a femme around to throw at enemies. Femmes are vicious creatures. Honestly considering how much Arcee liked him, Cliffjumper was a dead mech walking anyway. He's lucky to have been killed by the enemy rather than face the fate of those chosen by femmes. I've been the subject of a femme's interest once. I barely made it out alive. Thank Primus the Archives took me before she did.

Cliffjumper is rather irrelevant now, but I will go over him anyway in case he somehow manages to walk off whatever the Decepticons did to him. He actually doesn't have a ton on his record. He was a regular recruit, one recorded signing on sometime around the height of the war when factions had to be picked. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him, and in fact, he fell below average strength levels for most soldiers. That is probably what got Arcee interested in him. Poor mech came from one of the outer cities and probably didn't know what in the pits a femme even was. Its unfortunate that he's dead, but I honestly do think it was likely in his best interest. He would have dealt with so much suffering otherwise.

May he rest at peace as one with the Allspark.

Next up is Bulkhead. You know? The one who beat me into scrap? Don't play stupid. I am no fool. I am well aware you saw that footage. We will be discussing that later. Now about him, he is a Wrecker. His augmentations are specifically made by Wreckers for Wreckers and he will die for the organization. All those who join the Wreckers are bound to them forever. There simply is no escape once the augmentations are finished. Most don't want to leave, and Bulkhead falls into that category. I can go into more depth about the Wreckers and their... beliefs, a bit later. At the moment, let it be known that he does not give a flying frag about you squishies. He follows the creed of his kind and thankfully for all of you, that creed does not permit unnecessary damage to native lifeforms of foreign worlds. Last I checked, he serves the Prime because that is part of his duty and Prime gave him the means to deal with a grudge of his. He has a personal investment here on Earth because he heard that there was a rouge Wrecker here somewhere.

No I will not elaborate right now. You lot need to be paying close attention to what comes next, so I will not linger on topics at the moment.

Ratchet is the resident medic. I believe I have expressed my fears before, but seriously, medics are DANGEROUS. I cannot emphasize that enough. The insane fraggers hyperfocus on one field and one faction and they stick to it like glue. They cling to their alliances and progeny like a parasite and will fight and even maim one another over patients. Ratchet is one of the best and worst medics I have ever encountered. His genius is legendary and he is one of the few who have ever been able to absorb all medical knowledge without focusing too hard on any particular field or falling to medical madness. Yes that is a real issue amongst my kind.

He also is not quite as insane as the others because of his upbringing out in the middle of nowhere during the age before the Quintessons came. But with that said, his motives are dubious at best. He is loyal to the Prime alone and would gladly frag over anyone who is not a medic or an Autobot. He also is not fond of you fleshies, but he does his job and should probably not be too bad so long as you don't catch his interest. Honestly getting the interest of any of my kind is a bad idea, so I suggest just not doing that. Medics in particular have one pit of a subculture that makes them a pain in the aft to understand, even for the average Cybertronian.

Now, moving on from the mad medic, Bumblebee is the team scout, and for good reason. He is totally unaugmented. He has no attachments whatsoever. No commlink, no programming, no battle codes, no inbuilt weapons, no specializations, nothing at all. He is practically a civilian and has to work himself half to death just to keep up with the rest of our kind who get augments nearly the moment they are old enough to handle them. If you are looking for the safest Autobot, you will find it in him. He is still one of my kind, but possess a great ability to empathize, or at least offer aid without expecting something in return. He never got any alteration programming, which may explain his more reasonable disposition. But of course, there is a reason for that.

I will not go into detail right now, but Bumblebee is kept from receiving augments on purpose. It is easier for mecha without augments to receive the Matrix of leadership and live reasonable lives under its control. Optimus is by no means loving, but he cares for what he sees as his. Bumblebee is being trained to be physically stronger than the others and mentally hardened so that he can bear the burden should Optimus fall. Either that, or he is being prepared to carry the weight of our people's history if another is found more suitable. The Prime is currently a walking databank for all of Cybertronian knowledge. One way or another, Bumblebee will carry the weight of one station, be it that of the Archive or the Matrix. He cannot escape, but it does not seem like he wishes to. He is loyal to his Sire and to the cause after all.

As for Optimus Prime himself? He is a whole series of statements on his own. To give you the thousand mile high overview, he was originally a dock worker. He was normal, much like Bumblebee. He had the attention of a femme, but he seemed to have a reasonable lifespan on him regardless of that fact. Then the Archive took him, and there he became one of theirs. He was one of the many sets of optics and frames which belonged to the Archive. And yet, he took interest in Megatronus, the leader of the Decepticons. Orion Pax, as was his name at the time, had his reasons for being involved. However through a series of accidents, he found himself being prepped for war. He was offered as a sacrifice, and the last resort relic that is the Matrix of Leadership was given to him. Since then he has led the war and done everything in his power to take what he sees as his.

He is a master at manipulation and adaptation. He can and will find information on every subject and devour it like a starving mech. If he finds you interesting, he will tear you apart to gain every last fact and iota of information. There is no escape from him, and until he gets what he wants, he will not allow anyone to stand in his way. His goals are complex, and even I do not fully understand. But he fights all the same and will kill you regardless. Be wary of him. He is by far the most dangerous simply because he has lived so long.

Primes do not last longer than a few millennia. And yet Optimus has lived for over four million years. That should be a sign that he's clever and has ways to bypass what we have always assumed was a death sentence.

For the Decepticons, there have only been three confirmed units and one unconfirmed thus far. I will explain any others as they become relevant. To begin, there is Starscream, the Lord of Vos. He is a seeker, a subsection of flight class Cybertronians that do not fall in line with normal standards. Seekers were complete isolationists before the war, even going so far as to have their own ever moving city, language, and culture. They do not use modern technology, they do not worship Primus, and their rituals are savage even by Cybertronian standards. I will go into more depth on them later, but for the time being, just know that Starscream being the Lord of Vos essentially puts him in the position of Shaman for his kind. He is a follower of nature and seeks to keep things in balance while remaining faithful to his culture. Due to how little is known about Vosian culture and Seekers as a whole, he is unpredictable. His motives are almost entirely impossible to figure out and he will fight in the way of the ancients. By all accounts the Seekers should have been wiped out eons ago, but their methods are... surprisingly effective.

Cunning and strange, Starscream's methods are unorthodox and his loyalty is all but void. He serves whatever it is he worships, his people, and himself. That is all. He has no mortals or ethics even amongst our rather loose ones. The only benefit you humans will find in his nature is that he is not fond of killing without reason and likely will leave you alone if you don't bother him. But of course he is a spontaneous mech and could just as easily turn up in the dead of night and slaughter you all will no explanation. Leave him be, that is my suggestion.

Soundwave is Megatron's second in command, at least behind the scenes. He joined up with the Decepticons long before they were official and knows more than I care to bother explaining. Not a spark actually knows what he is, but him and others like him, such. as the Autobot Blaster, have an ability that gives them an edge. He is able to house symbiotes, beings that I have no real clue where they come from. Soundwave and those like him are recorded appearing out of the blue randomly only to then latch onto mecha of interest in a manner like femmes. Those mecha proceed to live out their lives normally, but usually just before death, Soundwave and his kind will drag them off never to be seen again. Within a few vorns, a new symbiote can be noted running around. I hypothesize that whatever is done to the dying plays a role in the creation of symbiotes, but I do not have enough information. Soundwave serves Megatron, that is what matters.

He can get into just about anything and very little is known about him as a whole. No known motives, no known origin, no known anything really. He is a stranger who appeared in the pits alongside Megatron and simply never went away. Keep clear of him if you can. He is a mech that even the average Cybertronian tries to steer away from.

Vehicons are clone soldiers that might as well be civilians with toy blasters attached to them. They are normal mecha who are held together by some grand communication array that I am not familiar with. They are mass produced, hold very little value, and oftentimes do not have much personality aside from the one that they all share. They work without question and die in droves before being promptly replaced. Honestly your biggest concern is possibly being stepped on. The Vehicons are untrained newsparks at worst and competent but low level ground units at best. Until they develop more as individuals, they are not too great a threat save for when they are sent out in waves.

Lastly there is Megatron, currently MIA Lord of the Decepticons. He came from the mines of Kaon and somehow managed to work past the slave coding installed in him long enough to simply wander out of the pits. He was a scumbag in the redlight district for a while before spontaneously ending up in the pits as a Gladiator. There he gained a following and did his best to fight for his cause before ultimately turning to war to make things more faster. This backfired horribly if you can't tell. Now he is a mech who seems lost more often than not. He has been noted having patchy memory, more so after every interaction with Optimus Prime. He is only as cruel as was normal in the redlight district and his most concerning trait is his astounding lack of care for anything orderly or organic. He hates programing or augmentation and only tolerates it in his soldiers to win. Augments enrage him to such an extent that he has been noted acting out of normal parameters in response to heavily altered individuals. He wants chaos, that is what you need to know.

If he thinks it would further his ends, he would gladly wipe this planet off the map. However he does nothing without reason, and so unless you garner his attention, you should be fine. Stay away from him, don't mention anything related to the Archive or the Matrix, and all should be well... for the most part.

I can tell you more later, but for now, you best keep your organic optics on the happenings going on. If Cliffjumper is dead, it means there is a very real chance things are going to spiral and do so fast.

══════════════════

[Statement end.

The timestamps have been removed from these reports in response to [Redacted]'s information on the Cybertronian known as Soundwave. What information we have is critical for our survival, and we simply cannot risk it being destroyed even if the alien able to do so with ease likely won't ever bother to damage our files.

We expect [Redacted] to be giving us much more data soon, especially since they have begun to warm up to me and my fellow agents since their repairs were completed. They have also requested to be referred to by masculine pronouns, perhaps as a sign of trust? Whatever the case, we are making progress. Hopefully we will have a reasonable way to fight back against the aliens soon, at least if their guns settle on us.

Agent Witwicky signing off.

Recording ends.]

[familyabolisher]

hi! im new to theory, as in (imo) hard, non-fiction books. when reading some, i realise I lose track of the points inside the book, so recently I have been (attempting) to make notes. however, im a complete amateur, and I don't know exactly how to. back in school, i used to just skim these type of books finding whatever was 'useful' ie. relevant to my assignment/essay/class discussion and would simply dismiss the rest. i dunno if it's just me but I feel like these books are overwhelmingly packed with information - and useful information at that! do you have any tips to organise points mentioned in these books without getting bogged down on details/focus shifting on one line of thinking? if not, it's completely fine. love your blog, and have a great day!

hey! i actually think the best thing you can do is to keep taking notes as you go, because in my experience that's the best way to keep track of information and the best way to identify discrepancies in the text. obviously this can make reading nonfiction a bit of a slog, but ime it's a lot better to have a thorough critical position on a handful of texts than to have skim-read and half-absorbed a lot of them; if you're reading in around the same subject area, it's also pretty likely that you'll gain greater familiarity with texts/scholars/arguments/points of reference over time, such that you won't need to keep writing down Every Little Thing.

i find that the best way to take notes is to identify the key argument(s) in a particular section and to break down the evidence being used to substantiate those arguments. so my notes often look something like:

[ARGUMENT]

sub-argument/supporting evidence

sub-argument/supporting evidence

sub-argument/supporting evidence

and so on. kind of like trying to reverse-engineer the essay/chapter plan that the author was working with.

imo, if you're just looking to get the gist of an argument, it's actually fine to just read the introduction and conclusion to a text. obviously this is not always the case, and if you're looking to seriously posit a position on one particular text then you ought to read the whole thing, but there's a lot of theoretical work which tends to set out the significant points of its argument(s) in the intro + conclusion and use the main body of text for detailing examples + evidence. in my experience, the best subject to get away with this in is lit theory - a lot of the central body of lit theory will be detailing application of the theoretical framework laid out at the start, which, whilst obviously helpful (in the same way that all explanatory/evidentiary content is obviously helpful), probably won't do much for you beyond giving you a greater sense of how applicable the theoretical framework in question actually is.

another way to make the process a little easier + more engaging for you could be to think about the sorts of questions you want to ask about the text in question. some of those could be:

what are my expectations for this text? what do i already know about this subject matter & the scholarship surrounding it, and how might i expect this text to respond to that?

what key things do i think a text of this nature must identify in order for me to consider it credible?

what am i looking to get out of this text? what am i interested in? what am i hoping it might clarify?

i think approaching nonfiction with a significant sense of a) what you might expect it to argue (and of course, a willingness to be proven wrong) and b) what you want to get out of it can be helpful in identifying which parts of it you want to prioritise. imo, it's better to think of nonfiction/theory texts as something you are engaging with to the ends of formulating a critical response, rather than a wall of information that you have to take in. hopefully this kind of approach lets you circumvent that concern about focus shifting - it still requires that you look at and think about everything, but the way in which you think about it & the material you deem helpful in articulating the response to the text ought to change a little.

i completely feel you though lol i find it incredibly difficult to keep track of information + arguments if i don't write it all down and i still don't 100% trust my opinions on nonfiction texts after the fact if i don't think i was thorough enough with my reading. i tried to read a physical copy of g. aloysius' nationalism without a nation in india the other month & whilst it was clearly so helpful & so thorough, i had to give up because i couldn't find a pdf online and i can't really take notes from physical copies. it's annoying but, like. it works!

[emeraldmew]

Hey, sis.

#also someone remind me to make my Cosmic Horror Toddler theory into something coherent

Whenever you have the time.

Okay. So bear in mind we're only like seven episodes in and I have no evidence and really no thought behind this beyond "would that be fucked up or what?" and "ooh I'd love to see what an eldritch abomination growing up is like."

There are also like, all of the spoilers for the original TMA below so like, if you're just listening to Protocol you might want to skip the rest of this post.

Tenuously connected point 1.

One of the things from what Jonny and Alex have said about Protocol is that it's supposed to involve exploring "what makes a person" right? And we also already know Jonny's answer to this question from his, uh, cannibalism discussion.

Short version: a "person" understands their actions as something that actually does things to the world around them beyond simply fulfilling a want like hunger/capable of choosing to do evil.

Tenuously connected point 2.

In the Archives universe, a point is made that the Fears "don't think. Not like we do." They work off instinct.

Tenuously connected point 3.

While I never looked into the ARG before Protocol's release I have since looked into the summaries of what it revealed. Among other things the ARG revealed Magnus Institute of Protocol was studying children via... psychological experiments of dubious morality. Aside from this being why Sam is snooping into the Magnus Institute (for those who haven't looked into the ARG yet, his name is among the children researched) the experiments are pretty much looking into how children at various stages of development display empathy and whether they conform to orders or choose not to and stuff like that (I'm sure I am not wording this part right someone with a better background in psychology can probably expand further).

Anyway, my point is the idea of choices and such is being studied in relation to psychological development in children.

Tenuously connected point 4.

The way the cases so far have played out in Protocol does seem to show a difference compared to Archives.

Smirke's original categories don't seem to fit quite right anymore as each of the cases seem to have stuff that doesn't cram into the original boxes. As the blurry categories were already a major point in TMA regarding creating the Eyepocalypse and even Sam calls out the categorization the OIAR use in the first episode this isn't surprising. But it does suggest that the Fears have changed from what they were before.

Quite a few people have also suggested that in the cases we've seen sometimes the incidents seem to fulfill a desire (in a monkey's paw way, of course) rather than simply finding a random victim. This might suggest the presence of intent rather than only instinct.

So what?

I'll admit it's just sort of my own "ooh wouldn't that be messed up? let's explore that further" thought process doing the talking here, but The Thing that was Fear has existed since things could feel afraid. It's ancient. But it's also a cosmic horror entity that has been shown to grow from it's initial state to what we saw in Archives (see ep 200).

It's something on a cosmic level. Maybe it wasn't done growing. The Fears don't think "like we do"...

but neither do babies.

What if by Protocol the Fears have developed more after leaving their cradle? To a point where they can at least begin to think or choose.

What if the Fears are eldritch toddlers and they're learning how to play?

[whipplewhippler]

wolfington hcs

— In the absence of words, Diane and Wolf communicate best by reading each other’s eyes. 

To everyone else it looks more like telepathic communication. Diane notices the subtle shift of Wolf’s pupils when he isn’t being truthful with her– and Wolf can’t miss the way Diane’s eyes narrow when she’s onto something or when something’s gone in her favor. Diane also likes to act as though Wolf can’t read her but 

— Wolf is very, very physically affectionate. He dabbles in all the love languages, but physical touch is one he excels in. Diane is quick to catch on to his affinity for touch and tends to exploit that spot behind his ears whenever she wants something from him.

— At public events he’s always got a paw slotted into her hip or an arm thrown around her shoulders. If they’re sitting next to each other Diane likes to brush the tip of her tail along Wolf’s shins, if only as a physical reassurance that he’s still there and not causing mayhem, for example. 

— Despite the tendency of the public to talk, Diane couldn’t care less about what nosy columnists might have to say about her relationship. 

— Before parties or galas or the like, Wolf insists on doing Diane’s makeup. Shark taught him how to do makeup ages ago in case he wasn’t around to assist in pulling off a disguise and that knowledge manifests itself in ensuring Diane always looks her best. He also likes finding excuses to be very, very up close and personal with her and Diane can appreciate his tender paws.

— Wolf initially had a crush (or, at the very least, heavily idolized) the Crimson Paw, who(m?) he’d assumed was a guy— but once he found out that the Crimson Paw was actually Diane…? Well, that didn’t really change how he felt. If anything it emboldened him to pursue her further because he felt like she was in closer, more intimate proximity than the Crimson Paw had ever been. Plus– who doesn’t love a woman of authority?

— They go on night time drives a lot. Especially on particularly tiring or rather hectic days. Driving is actually quite therapeutic for Wolf, and doing so under the cover of darkness is nostalgic for him in how surreptitious it feels. Sometimes they’ll just drive in silence and enjoy each other’s presence. Other times the whirring of the car is interrupted by tender, mindless nighttime musings and silly conversation. Either way, the pastime means a lot to the both of them. 

— The night time drives are also a surefire way to diffuse tension after any arguments they might have. If they want to discuss what caused the argument, then they will— and even then, sometimes all they really need is the silence. The talking afterwards comes naturally. Usually Diane will initiate, and she’ll ask Wolf to pull over so that they can actually hash things out. 

— Sometimes they don’t even want the silence, but having to be emotionally vulnerable/literate can also be taxing (or maybe one or both of them are just feeling nonverbal.) To satiate the want for auditory stimulation they’ll blast their favorite songs in the car and might just sing loudly along to them, too. Wolf tends to gravitate towards playing songs he knows Diane likes. Even if he’s not fond of the numbers himself, the sight of the smirk that pulls at her snout when the first few seconds of her favorites play makes him get that Good Tingle. Eventually her favorite songs’ll become his favorites, too. 

— They’re both early birds. This is to be expected of Diane, but when she asks Wolf what prompts him to be up at the crack of dawn he simply replies that, once upon a time, crime did not rest and, as such, neither would he. It’s ingrained into his circadian rhythm to be up between 5 and 7 am on the daily. Sometimes he supplements with naps (especially if he doesn’t go to bed at a decent time, and when you’re up late scheming like he is you tend not to sleep very long). Now, he uses the extra time to make Diane (and the rest of the Bad-Guys-Gone-Good, of course) coffee. Never breakfast. He can’t cook. 

— Maybe Wolf isn’t the best cook– but he’s a killer baker, which is great because Diane has quite the sweet tooth. Sometimes if she spots a treat she’s interested in trying she’ll mention it in passing to Wolf. By now he’s come to realize that when she does that it’s her way of implying she’d like him to try his hand (or paw) at making it. And if it turns out she’s not actually into it? Well, the guys will eat anything. 

— They’ve entered couples’ dancing competitions numerous times and without fail dominate each and every one.

— In private, though, sometimes they’ll leave behind the fast-paced, jazzy music in favor of something more intimate, and they’ll sway softly to tender instrumentals whilst holding each other.

— Not that they’ve ever really needed to say it, but the first one to say “I love you” was Wolf. He and Diane were in the car, reeling from a fight that started because Wolf had done something foolish that very well could have have cost him his life. As Wolf is recovering from the existentialism and Diane is tearing into him about how frightening it is to watch him risk his life, he softly takes hold of her paw and resolutely whispers that he loves her when she demands an explanation.

“...I love you too. But that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes you just don’t think.” She softens.

[topazadine]

Defeating Protracted Writer's Block

Sometimes we get a little stuck on a few words; that's normal. Sometimes we just don't feel like doing anything today and would rather roll around on the ground pretending to be a slug or perhaps a snail. Also normal. Very normal.

However, what do you do if your writer's block has gone on for days, weeks, months, years?? Well, you've got to make a plan to defeat the Block. Here are some suggestions I have developed.

Resist the urge to start something new.

Sit with the discomfort.

Give yourself grace.

Assess your overall life circumstances.

Read outside of your comfort zone.

Try a new hobby or activity.

Start over completely (in a new document).

Cannibalize the piece.

And at the end, I'll share some action points to sum up.

As always, I am not the end-all be-all of writing advice, maybe I'm wrong, maybe you have other suggestions, take what you like and leave the rest. Let's go.

Resist the urge to start something new.

I have discussed in another post why you should not have a million WIPs, with citations as to why having a million WIPs is not conducive to good writing processes, so I will not belabor the point.

Basically, the brain really only focuses on one thing at a time. The more projects you have going, the more scattered your focus is, and the less likely you will be to finish any of them.

I get that you might be bored with your WIP, but if you start a new project, you are exponentially less likely to actually finish it. Maybe you've given up on it totally, and that's fine, but if you did intend to get it done, then stick with it.

Any ideas you have can be set aside for later exploration; write them down and you can be assured that they're not going anywhere.

Sit with the discomfort.

One of the best things I have learned over my life, both in writing and overall, is to be okay being uncomfortable. This mostly comes to me regarding getting feedback on my work, but it also refers to being okay with having writer's block.

There's a skill that comes from knowing when you need to push through a bit of writer's block (which is typically just being unmotivated) and when you need to sit back on your heels and breathe. If you have thrown all your tools at the writer's block, such as turning off your phone or using Stimuwrite, and you're still stuck, then you need to accept that right now is not for writing.

Personally, I always get very anxious when I have writer's block. What if I just give up on the story completely? What if I'm just a bad writer and my inspiration has run out? What if I'll never be able to write anything ever again?

Then I remind myself that I have been writing since I was 7 and I have always come back to it, no matter how bad things have gotten in my life. Experience has shown that even if I take a break, I am almost certainly going to return to it because it's my longest-held and most well-developed skill.

In many cases, just acknowledging that I'm more anxious about the future of my craft rather than this particular story is enough to get me to calm down, and by releasing that mental finger-trap, I start to feel inspired again.

Accept and acknowledge the writer's block. Recognize that it's there. Don't avoid it. Simply let it be there for the moment.

Give yourself grace.

Creatives can be really hard on themselves, especially in a world that is constantly pushing us to develop content as soon as possible. We think that if we don't put out a story every week, no one will care about us anymore and we'll be forgotten. Algorithms have started to infest our brains and change our self-image into a "content creator" instead of a writer, artist, musician, and so on.

But these algos were not created by creative people. They were developed by tech bros who do not understand the process of producing something unique.

Downtime is part of being creative, just like rest days are part of being an athlete. Your brain needs time to decompress, relax, and mull over story ideas. No one would force a marathon runner to set out on another cross-country trek just days after completing their last one because their muscles would explode.

If you don't have a looming deadline, relax. Be gentle to yourself. Let yourself loll around and pretend to be a snail. Freeing your mind of that anxiety can, paradoxically, make you want to work again.

Assess your overall life circumstances.

In addition to my controversial beliefs about not starting a million WIPs, I also do not ascribe to the myth of the martyr artist. I covered that in more detail at the link, but basically, being depressed and stressed out does not actually make you more creative, no matter what you think. Not only does that post explain the science behind it, but it shows you some examples of my own writing done during different stages of bipolar disorder: manic, depressed, and stable.

I don't care what any starving artists say. As someone with a severe mental illness, I can confidently tell you that being unstable is not good for creativity. Your brain is under stress, and it doesn't have the metabolism necessary to produce great work.

But this does not just stand for having a severe mental illness like bipolar disorder; it can also refer to just overall shitty life circumstances, like being stuck in a bad job or having toxic people around you.

Sometimes a dip in productivity can actually be the sign you need that there's something awry elsewhere, something you may not even noticed was wrong. As such, when you're feeling The Block, sit down and think about your life circumstances. Are you happy? Are you financially stable? Are the people around you supportive and kind? Are you getting enough food to eat? Do you have regular healthcare?

Of course, sometimes you will face protracted life circumstances that are inconducive to creative activity, and there is nothing you can do about it. I'm not saying that if you're in a bad place, you should just stop writing - not at all. We'd be missing half the literary canon if that were the case.

But. If you are facing challenges, and you're feeling blocked, and you have the means to take care of those things, by all means do. Take care of your life stuff. The writing can wait. You as a person are much more important than what you produce. You deserve to be happy and healthy and well taken care of.

If you are facing challenges, and feeling blocked, and you can't take care of those things, then please give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Take it slow. Do just as much as you can and no more. Ask for grace from others if you need to. Again, you as a person are always, always more important than what you produce.

Read outside of your comfort zone.

In addition to writing The Eirenic Verses, I am a freelance SEO writer who mostly writes stuff about real estate and personal injury. You'd be surprised at how much inspiration I get from the boring stuff that I have to write for work! I'm serious - these obnoxiously dry statistics and such have helped me immensely in my creative fiction.

For example, there's a scene in one of the upcoming books where the MC falls down a cliff. I would not have even considered including that if it weren't for writing personal injury articles about construction accidents. I also got inspiration for the main theme of book 8 in the series, Perseity, after writing about real estate probate. I'm serious!

Sometimes, nonfiction like that can kickstart your creative process more than fiction because you won't just be copying the themes or ideas included in whatever you're currently reading. I recommend that you read fiction for things like dialogue, interesting words to use, and so on, but nonfiction for the actual story ideas. After all, life is frequently stranger than fiction. You never know what you'll find in there.

Try a new hobby or activity.

We, of course, use our brains to write, and our brains are always eager for new inputs. The more that you expose yourself to interesting things, whether that's going on a short daytrip or trying out a new skill, the more neurogenesis that occurs and the more metabolic activity going on up there. And we want neurogenesis and good metabolic activity.

If you're really struggling to write, step away from the computer and do something new. It could be anything, but at the bare minimum, it must make you feel like an idiot who does not know what they are doing. It must make you have to try new movements, or apply old knowledge in new ways, or go to somewhere you've never been before and don't know the layout of. This shakes you out of your old patterns of behavior and forces you to shift your understandings of how things work, which can give you new perspectives on your work.

Start over completely (in a new document).

I will only touch on this briefly because I don't use it, but I know other people have had success with it. Basically, you begin all the way over again, writing it as you would have from the beginning. Not copying and pasting, but typing it all over again.

Sometimes (or so I have been told), this helps you recognize where things are going wrong and workshop solutions as you go along. Many also use this for editing when they are done, as it helps you catch typos you wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

Cannibalize the piece.

If you are really stuck, fed-up, angry, and don't think you can bear to go on, then don't! Unless you've already promised this work to someone or you're doing this for pay, there's no rule that you have to finish everything you start.

But no writing is ever wasted. There is likely the seeds of something good in there that you can recycle. It may be really good phrases, ideas, characters, locations, dialogue, whatever. But there is something good in every single piece, no matter how down you are feeling about it right now.

I've given up on a ton of pieces, but I often find echoes of them in later works, even if I never copy-pasted anything. That's because it was still practice - I was still learning and growing as a writer. The only way to improve is to keep going forward, but that does not mean you have to beat a dead horse. Chop it up and feed it to your next piece so you have the strength to continue.

Action points for beating protracted writer's block

Don't start a new WIP unless you have completely given up on this one. If you get story ideas for something else, write them down but don't start them. Allow yourself to have writer's block: unless you have a deadline, the writing will still be there. Recognize that much of writer's block is about anxiety about your skills rather than a true creative stop. Remove the "content creator" curse that tells you that you must be working 24/7. Consider downtime to be part of the creative process, just like athletes need to rest. Remind yourself of how many other times you have have writer's block and the fact that you were able to get over it that time too. Assess your overall life circumstances and consider whether your writer's block is a symptom of something bigger. Prioritize self-care rather than attempting to be a martyr for your art. Read something you wouldn't usually in order to broaden your horizons. Consider reading nonfiction for story ideas and fiction for specific craft inspiration. Do a new hobby, especially one that is completely out of your comfort zone. Rewrite the entire piece in a new document. Take pieces from the old work and start something new if you have fully declared it dead.

If you enjoyed this, maybe you'll consider purchasing my gay fantasy romance, 9 Years Yearning. This coming-of-age story features two young soldiers in a world lightly inspired by the Mongolian steppes, infused with poetry magic and literary mythology.